Hamsgiving 2009

A Tragicomedy, in Five Acts

Dramatis Personae:
Lord Folg
Dave
Prince Drew
Devon
Fool
Sir Hudik
Hamsgiving Witch
Chad
He Who Shall Not Be Named
King (not an actual King)
BigFoot
Lady BigFoot
Sevendust
Lady Folg
Rosencrantz
Guildenstern
Frogs
Assorted Fans and Attendents


Act One, Scene One -- Park Slope McDonalds
Enter Lord Folg and Dave
DAVE: I can't wait to eat meat.
FOLG: Me too.
DAVE: Hey how do you order the nuggets and it's cheaper than when I do?
FOLG: Because McDs is stupid and lets you buy 5 four-piece nuggets for $1 each, while charging $6-something for a twenty-piece.
DAVE: You're so wonderful, Lord Folg. I'm only going to eat 12 though.
FOLG: Rubbish!
Exeunt

Act One, Scene Two -- The Pig Castle
[Flourish] Enter Sir Hudik, Lord Folg, and Dave
SIR HUDIK: Sorry I'm such a loser. Welcome to the Pig Castle. We have Rock Band.
DAVE: Yeah!
FOLG: I've got a deep fryer. And ribs and gin. Please bring me Mtn Dew.
SIR HUDIK: Haven't got any yet. I'm going to the store to get stuff. Mind the Castle.
Exit Hudik
DAVE: Rock Band!
FOLG: Ok Dick, let's do this then.
DAVE: God, you're terrible at this.
FOLG: No shit, you were there when I had to leave the room because I couldn't clap straight, right?
Enter Chad and Lady Chad
CHAD: Sweet. Rock Band.
LADY CHAD: Sorry Chad is such a loser. We have a Jive Turkey.
CHAD: Damn, Folg, you fucking suck at that.
FOLG: Yeah, I'm done. Have fun. I can't even hit the drum things, let alone the right ones at the right time. Where's my Mtn Dew.
DAVE: He wasn't even trying with the kick drum.
Exeunt

Act One, Scene Three -- location as before
Enter BigFoot, Lady BigFoot, and Attendants
DAVE: Hey! I'm a rockstar!
CHAD: This game should have dance moves.
BIGFOOT: Have a look at this thick-ass slab bacon. I'm gonna cook it now. Why the hell is the grill not going yet?
FOLG: Mini-fail. Hudik is coming back and we're going to have a fire under the grill so everything stays warm. It's kinda genius. I'm going to go clean it off to get ready.
Exit FOLG
BIGFOOT (aside): Man, I wish I were more like Lord Folg.
Enter Prince Drew and Devon
PRINCE: Ham's here. Give us an hour and it will make love to your mouths.
DAVE: Do you have the shirts?
DEVON: Yeah, I need to iron them on here still though.
DAVE: Yes! That's almost as cool as Rock Band.
CHAD: Easy there.
Enter Sir Hudik
SIR HUDIK: Assholes. It's fucking cold. Who wants sausage and meatballs?
BIGFOOT: This bacon is delicious.
Enter Fool
CHAD: Hey you actually brought something, that's weird.
FOOL: Fuck yourself. Get a load of what's in this bag.
All follow Fool into kitchen
DAVE: It's two headless frogs! Look how big they are!
BIGFOOT: What's in the other bag?
FOOL: Feast your eyes on these three.
PRINCE: Damnit, they're alive!
ALL: Fuckin-a.
FOOL: I'm putting them in the bathtub.
Exit Fool
DAVE: That's the greatest thing I've ever seen.
CHAD: I think that's a Hamsgiving miracle.
SIR HUDIK: Not for long they won't be.
Exeunt

Act Two, Scene One -- Outside the Pig Castle
Enter Lord Folg, Sir Hudik, Fool, and Dave
DAVE: She said we shouldn't burn treated wood.
FOLG: Fuck it, we'll let it burn off, let's fill it up. How do you think we'll kill the frogs?
Enter Prince Drew and Chad
FOOL: I watched the Chinese guys in the back of the store do it. Just behead them and skin them.
PRINCE: Just cut their heads off in one solid whack.
CHAD: Those things don't have a separate head.
FOLG: You are a jackass.
FOOL: No, I mean, it will be nothing. How freaking awesome am I?
SIR HUDIK: Yeah, this sounds really well thought-out.
Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
GUILDENSTERN: We'll take the frogs to Englad and see that they're killed properly.
CHAD: Who the hell are these dillweeds?
ROSENCRANTZ: Eh.
Exit Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
PRINCE: I'll do it no problem. Just cut off their heads, how hard is it?
SIR HUDIK: We'll see you do it then. What's that smell?
FOLG: Just poisonous gas. When it burns off we'll cook over it. Where is my Mtn Dew?
SIR HUDIK: Yeah, I forgot.
FOLG: How in the fuck am I supposed to celebrate Hamsgiving without Mtn Dew? You may as well stick a veggie dog in my mouth with this shit.
FOOL: Some of those veggie dogs they make are pretty good.
Exeunt

Act Two, Scene Two -- The Folg Castle
Enter Lady Folg and Attendant
ATTENDANT: The meat for your Hamsgiving dish, m'lady.
LADY FOLG (aside): I'thanks. Should that they are sim'larly mistook.
ATTENDANT: How shall you prepare?
LADY FOLG: With love, (aside) and deceit.
ATTENDANT: Methinks we'll be a winner with this dish.
LADY FOLG: Indeed. (Aside) If there be a prize for the best
Vegetarian dish at this party,
Then the fake meats in this fine casserole
Shall easily prevail, uncontested.
Exeunt

Act Two, Scene Three -- Inside the Pig Castle
Enter Dave, Prince Drew, He Who Shall Not Be Named, and King (Not An Actual King)
DAVE: Look who it is, and they've got a giant bottle of Jack!
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: I'll tell you what. I tell a lot of people what.
KING (NOT AN ACTUAL KING): Who wants to drink?
DAVE: We have live frogs, check em out in the bathroom.
ALL: Sweet.
Enter Hamsgiving Witch
WITCH: Hey guys where's all the meat?
PRINCE: You mean currently living or currently dead? Cause we've got both.
KING (NOT AN ACTUAL KING): That's some nice toad. Let's have a Rock Band sing-off, bitch.
WITCH: Where are the live animals?
DAVE: Shower.
WITCH: You're kidding me.
Exit Hamsgiving Witch
Enter Lord Folg
FOLG: Do any of you assholes have my Mtn Dew?
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: Hey........hey.............I bet you wish you had some Mtn Dew.......................No, actually I don't have any. Sorry.
Enter Hamsgiving Witch
WITCH: Good god, there are three giant frogs in my shower.
DAVE: Let's eat some meat.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: You know, no one is going to get most of the stuff you're saying right now.
FOLG: Shhh. I don't care.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: Just don't say my name anymore.
Exeunt

Act Two, Scene Four -- Outside the Pig Castle
Enter Sevendust
SEVENDUST: Goddamnit, what is that horrible smell? Do I hear glass bottles over there? What.................that son of a bitch called my ho a ho. I'm gonna kick his ass.
Exit

Act Three, Scene One -- Pig Castle Shower
Enter Frogs
FIRST FROG: Man, aint this some shit.
SECOND FROG: That fuckin fool think he's gonna kill us.
FIRST FROG: Goddamn Chinaman already got those two.
THIRD FROG: I'm kinda scared.
FIRST FROG: Fuck you, you little bitch! Don't watch your ass, I'll fucking eat you.
SECOND FROG: I ate a dude's leg once. It was pretty good, actually. Didn't care for the sauce.
THIRD FROG: Leave me alone!
Exeunt

Act Four, Scene One -- Inside the Pig Castle
Enter Lady Folg, Attendant, Sir Hudik, Chad, and Prince Drew
LADY FOLG: Hello Everyone! I have some goodies.
SIR HUDIK: Awesome. We're getting quite a lot of all of a sudden. Like four different kinds of meatballs already.
PRINCE: That ham was delicious.
SIR HUDIK: What are you going to eat? We haven't got any veggie-friendly stuff of course.
LADY FOLG: Oh, I brought some simple fish for myself.
Nothing vegetarian. I'm keeping
To the dead beasts rule, good thing I eat fish.
This other dish is for you guys. Don't worry,
It's made of nothing but meat. (Aside) Ha-ha-ha!
Enter Lord Folg
FOLG: What did you bring babe? I'm about to start my ribs. You bring me Mtn Dew?
LADY FOLG: No, sorry.
Enter Dave
DAVE: I've got your damn Mtn Dew. And real wood. Let's start forgetting stuff. It's packed in here.
FOLG: It's about time. Speaking of that, let's get some of these rookies a meat sweats shot.
Exeunt

Act Four, Scene Two
Enter King (Not An Actual King), Dave, Prince Drew, Devon, and Lord Folg
DEVON: Tshirts ready in a minute.
DAVE: Yeah!
DEVON: Oh shit. I fucked it up. Wow.
DAVE: Ha! It's backwards! She ironed it on, so it's backwards!
FOLG: What! That's freaking hilarious!
PRINCE: Well I still think it looks good.
DAVE: I'm wearing mine for sure.
FOLG: Write FAIL on mine. That's perfect.
KING (NOT AN ACTUAL KING): Hamsgiving Fail! Woo!
PRINCE: Damn, you've been drinking out of that whiskey bottle an awful lot, there bud.
KING (NOT AN ACTUAL KING): Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man!
DAVE: Perfect.
Exeunt

Act Four, Scene Three -- On the Road to the Pig Castle
Enter Hamsgiving Witch and Attendant
WITCH: Fucking idiots. No way I was going to let them butcher these frogs.
ATTENDANT: I thought they were going to cut them?
WITCH: With what? No way our knives could do the job. I'd let them do it if they could kill them humanely.
ATTENDANT:.............uh.........but they're frogs.
WITCH: They'll find a good home at the pet store.
ATTENDANT: Sure they will.
WITCH: What did you say?
ATTENDANT: Um, I said "Sure they will."
WITCH: But you said it sarcasitcally.
ATTENDANT: No, Ms Witch. You are right, as always. (Aside) Damnit, I should remember to signal for an aside before I say stuff like that.
Exeunt

Act Four, Scene Four -- Outside the Pig Castle
Enter Lord Folg
FOLG: Why in the hell did I burn these ribs so bad? I'm a freaking idiot. Too much gin.
Enter Fool, Sir Hudik, and Dave
DAVE: Somebody took the frogs!
FOOL: They're not in the shower!
FOLG: What happened? The dead ones too?
SIR HUDIK: No the dead ones are still there. Live ones disappeared.
DAVE: This will ruin Hamsgiving!
SIR HUDIK: Have you gotten drunk and gorged on meat all day?
DAVE: Yeah.
SIR HUDIK: Then I think you'll be fine.
FOOL: We don't have anything live now.
DAVE: There is a totally awesome pig made out of sausage, bacon, and a foot long hot dog, though. And a chicken stuffed with about eight different meats.
SIR HUDIK: And a person dressed up as a sausage.
DAVE: And King is passed out like a dead person from all the Jack.
FOLG: He wins the Sean Smith Memorial Award.
DAVE: Let's go do some meat sweats and forget about the frogs.
FOLG: We still have a deep fryer so we can eat the dead ones at least.
FOOL: But I wanted to kill a frog!
SIR HUDIK: Dude you were starting to turn white a couple hours ago just thinking about it.
FOOL: Nuh-uh!
Exeunt

Act Five, Scene One -- Inside the Pig Castle
Enter Lady Folg and Lord Folg
LADY FOLG: So did you like my meat today?
FOLG: Yeah, sure. Had a few too many beans I think.
LADY FOLG: It was good though?
FOLG: Why?
LADY FOLG: Shhh. It was all veggie meat substitute.
FOLG: (horror)
LADY FOLG: Heeheehee.
Lord Folg thinks about stabbing Lady Folg with a used rib bone, and then killing himself with it, but vomits all over the place instead.
Exeunt

Act Five, Scene Two -- Inside the Pig Castle
Enter Chad, Dave, Prince Drew, He Who Shall Not Be Named, and Lord Folg
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: (laughing)
CHAD: Should we try to wake up King?
DAVE: Good luck, he's out cold.
PRINCE: That was a lot of fucking pork.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: (giggles)
FOLG: Too bad King drank all the whiskey, I'm in the mood for another meat sweats.
CHAD: Dickhead.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED: (laughs)
Exeunt

Act Five, Scene Three -- Outside the Pig Castle
Enter Sir Hudik, Dave, and Lord Folg
FOLG: Hey let's throw some shit around and yell!
SIR HUDIK: Why?
FOLG: Cause we're hammered and invented a holiday!
DAVE: Meat rage!
Enter Sevendust
SEVENDUST: You motherfuckers! Shut the hell up! It's 11PM on a Saturday, you should be in bed thinking about lame-ass late-90s metal bands!
SIR HUDIK: Whoa!
SEVENDUST: I'm gonna kick you asses! Meet me in front of the house!
Exit Sevendust
FOLG: No, I don't think so.
DAVE: Let's go drink some more of the vodka chili.
Exeunt

The End

SI Diary

Annual Staten Island Pilgrimage
Saturday, February 16th, 2008
1:08pm - SI trip is starting exactly as it should: ugly. We are now curiously in Brooklyn, riding an R to Canal St where we must transfer to some train that is hopefully not diverted due to construction. We're supposed to take the 1:00 ferry, now we may miss the 1:30.
1:46 - Waiting for the ferry. There is the cutest little black kid you'll ever see here. He's maybe three and he's totally smittenby a pigeon that is walking around the room. Unfortunately I'm not a good enough writer to share how magnificent it is to watch this kid track this bird.
3:41 - We're here. Finally. Tough travels. Travails. Regrettably, our waitress isn't nearly as enthusiastic as last time. She's got a tattoo--I think she's an antisocial.........She just said "It's going to be a few minutes still. I've just got to go find a bucket." (We ordered a 5beer bucket, cause we're at Applebee's, duh.)
4:58 - Dude just walked by. Me: "That guy looks like the Marlboro Man only if the Marlboro Man were a loser."
5:24 - Dave: "What am I writing? What am I writing?" Devon: "Sexy kids."
6:16 - Post Applebees. Mall time. Nothing of note yet. Going to check on the balloon girl.
8:10 - 1414 Club. 1414 Forest Avenue. Us four, one other guy missing at least one of his front teeth, and the bartender--lovin life. My new favorite bathroom is here. Sparse and rustic are two useful adjectives. Four TVs--two showing AMC (Letters from Iwo Jima), other two showing horse races: OTB next door, of course.
8:54 - Pack of four middle-aged women in front of us waiting to cross a desolate 2-lane road to get to the Drunken Monkey (our current spot), one of them hops out to cross as a car approaches, another yells "Jesus Christ Cheryl, we're in Staten Island now, you're crazy you can't do that out here. Sheesh." Should be noted that these women look like caricatures of classic SI women. Thank you, thank you.
11:08 - In the last hour I've just gotten definitely drunk. So I've got that going for me. Ill have to go at half-speed the rest of the night. So I've got that going against me.
11:11 - These hoochies at the Burrito Bar have some serious bootys. I mean that in a very complimentary way.
11: 13 - Should also here note that in the last 90 minutes I've watched the best NBA Dunk competition since MJ and Dominique.
11:30 - Here is a why a douche working out all the time can often be stereotypically pathetic (as learned by keeping my eyes open in an awful SI bar): because often they don't have anything else going for them; if they weren't fit then they'd be utterly worthless, and their relative fitness keeps them from acquiring any useful qualities.
- The Black Dog sucks dick.
11:37 - Something that I was not aware of as a phenomenon until the last two bars: the Staten Island Booty. These chicks have my kind of ass. Related aside: I guess this makes it official that I'm hopelessly in love, but whenever I see a hot chick I have a strong desire to bone not the chick but my absent girlfriend. So it is. So I am.
11:47 - Something peculiar I've noticed about this borough: as a rule, dudes don't ever kick up the toilet seat before pissing. As a man, I shouldn't be offended by this, but come on man, that shit is nasty just pissing all over the seat.
12:58am - Three black chicks here waiting for the ferry with us. Two are hot, one is attractive but too chunky. One is smoking hot but real skinny. Other is a 10 body but not as pretty. They're making me want to do it. Maybe it's cause it's after midnight and I'm still in Richmond County but I'm impressed. I wish I had my lady here now. I'm pathetic, granted, but sheesh I wish she were here. Maybe I'm a failure after all. But alas, I don't care.
1:14 - As it turns out, I'm a pervert.
2:18 - Back in the cit, finally. Feeling pretty weak, might not be able to finish the beer I just ordered. Questionably barfy, just ate a slice. Back in my old hood at Peculiar Pub. Blasphemously it appears more strumpety here than in SI. Hos abound. Short skirts even though it's frigid. Some forgot pants, even.
3:10 - Do you want to know what Dave's butthole smells like: it smells like if you took a bunch of old rotten clams, took a big diarrhetic shit on them, then steamed them in a heavily garlicked bowl of asparagus piss.

Semi-Random Diary

A little late with this:

Friday, February 8th (one day after Hudik's Birthday)

7:54pm - Just missed the F to Brooklyn, now will probably have to wait forever. Fuck you, Hudik.
8:17 - Sometimes you've just got to look good. Yeah I'm sportin the jacket and tie combo again--finally. Been shabby most of the last month.
9:46 - Almost finished Chad's New York Times crossword from Thursday. Talkin Bondi's now workin up a lather for burgers, crab biscuits, fries, and greyhounds. And mimosas, of course.
10:12 - We're at an open bar for Coors O right now. It lasts just an hour and preposterously it seems like we five are the only ones on the premises who are indulging in the freeness. This thing was publicized on myopenbar for chrissakes. Shows you how much this place must suck ass.
11:00 - Jackie Fucking Treehorn. Fuckin Fuck. Dave smokes lights now.
11:01 - Emily thinks I need a brooch. Chad thinks I'm an English douche.
11:43 - Just put Scotty's number behind a toilet in a bar in Park Slope. Have fun with that, Oily Beat-Off.
11:48 - I've been to this bar before. Last time I was rendered off-balance by a girl. I sat outside on the curb and took notes the whole time cause I couldn't stay inside and faux-flirt with the girl. I'm dumb and I'm impressionable but I'm no faux.
11:58 - I just made a fried-egg stain of wax on Emily's leg.
time unknown - Dave just agreed that he's an AIDS victim. I just talked to KRobbins about my girlfriend (her query). Hunter just mocked me for writing in this notebook. Eat shit, Josh.

i'm bout out of freshness. people are still accusing me of farting though. far too drunk right now. dizzy almost. should be in manhattan right now. forgot if i told you but i bit another beaver tonight now, this one not belonging to my gf. it was deliciously meaty enough to count as totally awesome.
hudik is smooching on erin and it's embarrassing. that's all i've got there.
go team. go meat.

they went on a beer run after the second keg went limp and chad of course asked me for money. of course it's not really a concern of his that i've spent approx $130 on this beautiful holiday, including his damn pork chops and chicken wings. but hey that's the man for you.
the dumb crip is still here, still scandalously slooping on hudik. damn dumb crip. going to steal the wd40 she uses to lube up her knee joint. bitch.
life and life only.
my lady friend just left and i'm missing her already but that's cause i'm a sappy son of a bitch and pretty much completely smitten, still. congratulations, sara.
drinking bourbon now even though chad &tc have already come back with beer. screw you you cunt. like kenny devine, that filthy cunt.

holy shit. we crashed the second keg. that's amazing work. to kill two kegs and it's barely ten o'clock now. i'm now drinking bourbon on ice. like beer but for a man.
david fucking gonzalez is on his way here right now, that son of a bitch. i don't know whether to be outraged or outrageously excited. i'll defer to the latter.
the keyboard is horribly sticky from someone spilling beer on it earlier. it wasn't me, just like it wasn't me who farted in the living room earlier though i was pathetically blamed for it. whatever.
fear it. the ham. the bacon. the tripe. the rabbit. the goat head. the meat houses. fear it. fear the love of a human, strong enough to take the life of animals. fear that shit, bitch.

devon is a worthless dried up cuntflower.
tommy duss sucks eggs.
garland is a sappy proposer.
meat tastes yummy.
winners. lots of real winners still here.
eat shit ken devine. eat fucking shit like you're bergeron.

hey kenny devine!! eat shit, you motherfucker!! suck my balls you filthy cunt!
go to hell, you pussy!

just finished a meat sweats shot, made infinitely better by the presence and greatness of one theodore bauer. good work, disciple, sir.
second keg is live and good, not as good as the first but awesome still.
matthew pulled me aside a while ago and just had to tell me in confidence how awesome it was. i said "it?" he said yeah, just everything here. that's what you call a convert.
i'm drunk now, by the way, but not drunk enough not to go back and correct my many typos.
i ate a roach a little earlier. unfortunately, i'm not talking about the insect species, or else we'd be able to add another animal to the list. we've got salmon now too.
i successfully did a beaver talk from sara's coot, which made me wonderfully happy. coot.
dave is pressuring people into doing meat sweat shots right now, god bless him that son of a bitch.
ken and sara are pathetically trying to talk their way into the blog as "awesome." no f-ing way.
we watched the goat's other eye pop not long ago. and dave poked the shit out of it and its goo was dripping sweet. was happy. am happy. success is all amongst us. damnit we are the best people ever.

back. warmer. dave has already gotten mad at me for "giving up." he's entirely distrustful of me and sara. thinks i'm a failure, probably.
good turnout, thus far. erin and meg and whatever epic creation they're bringing have not yet arrived so it's kinda like we're holding our breath waiting for the exhaltant release. dave has started his meat house so i'm curious to see what happens there. scotty is pervin on me now with his meatloaf apron with little pockets that he's been carrying around bbq sauce in all day. a nice touch, i think.
drew has reminded me to mention hudik's poor performance from last night. thanks, drew. hudik you my friend are the real failure. promised me a place to sleep. decided maybe it would be more fun to make out with a crippled strumpet instead of boarding me. thanks for that. slept on a hardwood floor. hope it was worth it. know it musn't have been. verbally abused him for this not long ago and he told me i wasn't allowed to speak of it later after the crippled strumpet gets here cause she's coming with her boyfriend. hmmm. drama.
i successfully warmed my hands by sticking them between sara's legs. it's warm down there. also i bit her beaver and she was unfazed. yes indeed there is reason i like her.
we're collectively anxious to tap the second keg. not sure if i mentioned this last night but the first one is a pale ale and amazing. second one is some kind of a lager bock so probably far too heavy to be drinking after a meatstravaganza. i had half a meat cupcake and couldn't finish the rest. by drew's count, we've already had seven different animals today, including the goat and the a whole rabbit. number eight will be shrimp but i haven't seen them so i can't count it yet. our official goal for next year is to have a live animal and to slaughter it ourselves. so definitely that's going to happen. some squirrels were running around in the trees behind their place and were horribly teasing us. wish i had my pellet gun, that would have certainly embody the hamsgiving spirit.
finally, my mother called earlier and i reminded her that today was hamsgiving and she wished me a happy holiday and it didn't even feel weird. so we've made it, i guess.

we have a goat head cooking on the grill right now.
spare ribs, pork chops, chicken--a chicken that was alive just two hours before we cooked it--have populated the grill thus far. i'm almost disappointed in how warm it is today, the challenge of frozen grilling was rather easy to overcome. my fingers are competely frozen right now though so i can't type with any kind of speed. so i'll come back later and be more prolific.
scotty and buddha currently have the prize for best food for the aforementioned ultrafresh chicken and the goat head.
there is a turducken coming out of the oven very soon. it's a veritable meat bacchanalia here, a meatanalia.

hamsgiving eve. drinking some absolutely fantastic semi-bootleg pale ale that supposedly comes from a private brewer from just upstate. whatever the story, it's delicious.
eaten about half the ham already. i'm happy, others are at least mildly satisfied. we did a count of meat poundage and after the contributions of just ten people we are in possesion of 49 pounds of meat. actually we are probably in possesion of 45 pounds of meat thanks to the prior ham consumption. i bought some pig's feet, so i'm happy about that. now i just have to figure out how to cook them. also got a rack of spare ribs which cost me--if you can believe this--just six dollars. almost four pounds of pork ribs for six bucks. we also have a frozen turducken and the genesis of a meat house.
we're watching chad's rolling stones circus dvd, or whatever the hell it's called. sure it's pretty good but criminetly i feel like i've seen it ten times already myself. to say he's obsessive would be an understatement.

hamsgiving 2008 is almost upon us. i want to say i'll have a delicious liveblog for you like last year but my only recent efforts at liveblogs have dissipated in a haze of unfocused drunkenness.
i think all is set for the holiday. my "tshirt" arrived yesterday. i say "tshirt" cause it's actually a sweatshirt, a white hooded sweatshirt. perhaps the white will prove to be a foolish decision. the added warmth is essentially though, as i don't yet know what i'm cooking, but i'm grilling for sure. hopefully folks will bring some meat with them for me to grill cause i'm going to have plenty of charcoal. should be noted the forecast is for mid-30s and windy. might make for tough grill conditions. we'll see what i'm made of, especially considering the fact that i'll fairly surely be drunk the whole time. the ham should be delivered tomorrow. most everything has been sufficiently considered and prepped for. all that's left is the execution, and for me at least, that is an equally important part of the planning process as the preparation. overplanning will only lead to anticlimax. you've got to let shit happen, you've got to act and react. i'm looking forward to it.