Sara's mom was in town last weekend. Now, since they live in Chicago and we've only been around a handful of times, I'm still rather new to the whole mother-in-law situation. There is the stereotype that all mothers-in-law are awful people, to be dealt with only when necessary, and then swiftly and forcefully, but I can't say that I've had that yet. Maybe it hasn't fully sunk in yet that she is going to be a part of my immediate family, and not just a parent of a friend. The latter is the way I've approached her so far. Actually that's basically how I approach everyone in my life. But I wonder how things will change as time goes by.
On a more immediate level, her visit last weekend came with its perks and its.......uh, not-perks. Really the only not-perk is the simple obligation to spend large amounts of time doing things that I might not necessarily choose to do in normal circumstances. This obligation-reaction is probably just the bachelor part of my psyche trying to fool myself into thinking I ever live my life fully independently anymore, and since you know I'm going to be married in just a couple months, you know that's certainly not true. Anyway, I'm still dealing with making these simple sacrifices of my personal time for the greater good of my lovely Sara and my new family. I'll get over it. And besides, having multiple meals and other things paid for will always far outweigh any childish instincts I may have.
It was at one of these gratis events that something happened to spur this post in the first place. We three went to see an Off-Broadway show on Saturday night.* After the show, we were talking with a couple from Chicago that Sara's mom knows and randomly bumped into.
--Give me a brief aside here. Try to think of a social situation in which your dear friend Josh would have the least amount of things to say or add to the conversation. Now compare that scenario to the real-life one I was confronted with here: Saturday night, with future wife and future mother-in-law, just exited a Broadway show and have about 1/1000th the sensibility for them as my two companions, who are exhorting me to share my thoughts on the show. Add to that mixture two similarly-aged friends of future mother-in-law from her city in town specifically to see Broadway shows. Oh, and the conversation started off reminiscing about how future mother-in-law's friend is the mother of a guy who represented future wife's first-ever date, which took place when she was in the 3rd or 4th grade. Oh, also, this guy is either married or engaged and happened to bump into Sara when she was alone a few months ago and hit on her. Wind-up Josh doesn't have any pre-prepared quips or lines to deal with this situation. Ok, back to the story--
So anyway, the conversation progressed as you might expect, mostly Sara's mom and the other wife talking, Sara smiling happily and jumping in from time to time, the husband doing the fake smile only older married men are capable of while slipping in the proper amount of jokes. You notice I didn't mention anything about myself. That's because I didn't really add anything, rather predictably.
Ok, I realize now I'd like to break this into two parts, this one contains enough observation for now. You'll get Part II with the actual meat of the post later.
* I've been to two shows now and I can say a few things about them. First, if the show is not on the campy side of the spectrum, I can certainly enjoy it. Both of the two I saw were safe here. Second, my ability to appreciate the medium of Broadway is nowhere near fully formed. It would be presumptuous of me to make any assumptions about when or if it ever does form. My commentary on any show would be like a tourist just back from a 5day stay in Russia rhapsodizing about communism. It's best just to stay out of things you don't know. Third, I'm going to make an honest effort to go to more shows at irregular intervals because I realize that Sara approaches these shows in the same way that I approach live sporting events: they are very nice and fun, but ultimately just a tip of a larger obsession, but nonetheless if I avoid live sporting events for too long a time, I will find myself needing, not wanting, to attend one. Finally, why can't these theaters invest in comfortable chairs? Is there some tradition I'm unaware of that dictates that seats should hold your ass comfortably for no longer than an hour, even though any show is at least 30-40 minutes longer than that? Come on, broadway, the movie industry figured out that it's ok to let audiences be comfortable in their seats for long periods. The few you will lose to sleepiness will be easily offset by the more who will come because they don't have to worry about ass ache (I'd like to say I'm part of the latter category, but I can't promise I wouldn't also belong to the former).
Showing posts with label SARA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SARA. Show all posts
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Trigger
I got sucked into Brokeback Mountain last night, and felt the need to stick with it until the end. It was my first time watching it since seeing it once in the theater, and no I can't blame Sara because she was already asleep.
Three very clear things about the film:
1. It's very good. Heath Ledger is very good. If you know anything about my filmic sensibilities, then you know that I greatly admire the late scene where Ennis goes to Jack's parents' house. So subtle, so natural, so loaded with the unsaid, so good.
2. As sometimes happens with me and good acting performances that contain accents, I wish I could talk like Ennis all the time right now. I believe I have confessed to enjoying a nice Texas accent in the past. Heath's character is from Wyoming, but his accent has the same general western blue collar twang. The newscaster/Ohio/Indiana voice is probably the "voice" of America, but this western proletarian gruffness really hits the right notes for me.
3. That goddamned bloody shirt got me. I remembered it was coming and so my senses were a little primed. When Ennis got to the parents' house it became palpable. Then he went upstairs and I could feel my throat tighten, my face soften. He looked around, opened the window, went into the closet. I felt the strong need to swallow but it didn't help. Then he knelt down and handled the boots and finally he saw it in the back, the bloody blue shirt from their summer together. I fought the good fight as he noticed his own shirt tucked inside Jack's blue one, then my eyes had a mild sting and my vision sharpened as he hugged the shirts and broke down. All in all, I held it together pretty well, not letting much slip until some minutes later, after the film had ended and I finally succumbed to the animal urge in me to embrace Sara's sleeping body.
You see, two years ago I wouldn't have experienced this response to this or any similar film. I would have had a response, and it would have contained emotion, but it would have stopped short because the film was just a film at that point in my life, and not a connective medium to strong emotion that's constantly present in me.
I'm a pretty freaking fortunate man. Ennis's love story is a terribly tragic one; it binds him not to companionship but to loneliness. My experience is far more traditional but that doesn't make it any less magical or personal. Sometimes I can get lost in the fairy tale and take things for granted. That's why I am thankful that sometimes all it can take is a blood-stained blue shirt to make me remember how well I've got it.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Brink
Boy, I'm going to miss Sara the next couple days. Sure, I'm going to miss her in the normal sense cause I like her being around and all, but I'm also going to miss her laptop. Last night was the first of seven consecutive nights I'm going to spend without her (she's staying an extra week in Chicago), and maybe it's just the pre-NCAA Tournament unquenchable desire for more and more bracket-related knowledge and numbers, but I was seriously wishing I had a constant internet connection. It's one of those things you take for granted once you get used to it.
But even more than that, I wish I had a laptop now because I'm about to leave work in the next few minutes and I think I'd like to be able to do some semi-live blogging tonight and tomorrow while watching games and being drunk. Maybe I'll do it with pen and paper like the old days but probably not.
Good news is I'm feeling the good vibes right now. Although I really am (and already have in just the first night apart) going to miss Sara, it's also nice to have a little time to not have to be considerate at all. And what better time for that than the first weekend of the tournament.
Just let it go.
But even more than that, I wish I had a laptop now because I'm about to leave work in the next few minutes and I think I'd like to be able to do some semi-live blogging tonight and tomorrow while watching games and being drunk. Maybe I'll do it with pen and paper like the old days but probably not.
Good news is I'm feeling the good vibes right now. Although I really am (and already have in just the first night apart) going to miss Sara, it's also nice to have a little time to not have to be considerate at all. And what better time for that than the first weekend of the tournament.
Just let it go.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Another for the "Well, No Shit" File
Today is a cover-the-reception-desk-at-work day. It's also a leave-early day, as I'm out at 4:15 to catch a flight to Chicago for a long weekend. Because of this, I knew I knew I'd have some time to maybe do a post, and almost jokingly I asked Sara what I should write about. She said "getting married." Ok.
1. For reasons that will become clear, I believe that the one thing a man should keep secret from his woman (above your ATM pin or any other important financial passwords) is the password to his Netflix account.
2. Over the last two nights, I spent a total of 134 minutes watching the Sex and the City movie.
3. Ommitted for effect.
4. If you've watched a movie and are having a hard time deciding if it was any good, let me offer this tip: start it up somewhere randomly in the middle and make your judgement soon after; you don't need to watch more than the first 4-5 minutes. Make sure you start it up cold, meaning without any memory or residual emotion leftover from your first viewing. When you do this, you are getting only the quality of the film and you're most likely not getting a big climactic scene (that would have been closely edited by the filmmakers). You're also totally divorced from the emotional build-up, so the natural tendency of even the worst movies to suck you into the story is gone. (A feature film is like a book in that the simple time investment to complete it implants an automatic austerity to it. A thiry minute TV show that's of equal production value to a two-hour movie will never feel as good as a movie. Even two hours worth of TV shows would not be the same. After you've read even a mediocre book, there is always a period of time immediately afterward where you are smitten with the book and would be inclined to inordinately praise it. So too with movies, and that's why you need to strip away that bond.)
5. You noticed before I said I saw Sex and the City spaced over two nights. Sara gets sleepy early and so we only got through just under an hour on night one. She was angry with me for the first 20 minutes because I couldn't stop picking on the movie's shortcomings, but I started following the story and quieted down eventually.
6. Sex and the City is a horrible, horrible movie.
7. On night two, we started it back up where we left off and yowzer once again I couldn't stop make comments about how bad it was.
8. There wasn't anything different about the first five minutes we watched on night two (maybe minutes 55-59 of the movie) and the last five minutes from night one (minutes 50-54), but it was painfully easy to find fault with the former while glossing over the shortcomings of the latter. The emotional flow of the movie had been interrupted and the movie was left open for me to see it for what it was.
9. This effect might be in some ways similar to why it's often difficult for an actor to do live theater work, compared to films. In a theater, the actor has to do his own work in sustaining that emotional bond, while in film, any number of editing or directorial choices will cover an actor's deficiencies.
10. It almost feels frivilous to comment specifically, but Sex and the City is really bad. I will admit that I've watched several episodes of the TV show, sometimes enjoying them, sometimes even respecting their relative quality. The movie, however, is terrble. Almost every actor just phoned it in, though not so much as the writers. You would think that a writer constrained to 30 minute storylines would love the opportunity to add real depth to his characters when given two-plus hours to play with. Not so here. If anything, the characters are flatter and less interesting. Again, it's probably a waste of time to criticize this stuff as the movie was clearly made with its only purpose being to lure women into the theater. As with lots of our contemporary culture, mission accomplished commercially, mission big fat fail substantively. I guess it just offends me when someone who has the option to make something at least passably competent with what wouldn't even be any additional effort, but chooses instead to fill the cracks with shit. I don't really like the term "sell-out" as a slander because usually it's used hypocritically, but pretty much everyone involved in this movie sold out. Good for them, as long as they knew that's what they were doing.
11. Someone does indeed get married in the movie, in case you couldn't stand the garbage and turned it off before getting to the end.
12. On a brighter and barely relevant note, I read somewhere recently that Chris Noth's character on Law & Order is being replaced and the character is to be played by Jeff Goldblum.
1. For reasons that will become clear, I believe that the one thing a man should keep secret from his woman (above your ATM pin or any other important financial passwords) is the password to his Netflix account.
2. Over the last two nights, I spent a total of 134 minutes watching the Sex and the City movie.
3. Ommitted for effect.
4. If you've watched a movie and are having a hard time deciding if it was any good, let me offer this tip: start it up somewhere randomly in the middle and make your judgement soon after; you don't need to watch more than the first 4-5 minutes. Make sure you start it up cold, meaning without any memory or residual emotion leftover from your first viewing. When you do this, you are getting only the quality of the film and you're most likely not getting a big climactic scene (that would have been closely edited by the filmmakers). You're also totally divorced from the emotional build-up, so the natural tendency of even the worst movies to suck you into the story is gone. (A feature film is like a book in that the simple time investment to complete it implants an automatic austerity to it. A thiry minute TV show that's of equal production value to a two-hour movie will never feel as good as a movie. Even two hours worth of TV shows would not be the same. After you've read even a mediocre book, there is always a period of time immediately afterward where you are smitten with the book and would be inclined to inordinately praise it. So too with movies, and that's why you need to strip away that bond.)
5. You noticed before I said I saw Sex and the City spaced over two nights. Sara gets sleepy early and so we only got through just under an hour on night one. She was angry with me for the first 20 minutes because I couldn't stop picking on the movie's shortcomings, but I started following the story and quieted down eventually.
6. Sex and the City is a horrible, horrible movie.
7. On night two, we started it back up where we left off and yowzer once again I couldn't stop make comments about how bad it was.
8. There wasn't anything different about the first five minutes we watched on night two (maybe minutes 55-59 of the movie) and the last five minutes from night one (minutes 50-54), but it was painfully easy to find fault with the former while glossing over the shortcomings of the latter. The emotional flow of the movie had been interrupted and the movie was left open for me to see it for what it was.
9. This effect might be in some ways similar to why it's often difficult for an actor to do live theater work, compared to films. In a theater, the actor has to do his own work in sustaining that emotional bond, while in film, any number of editing or directorial choices will cover an actor's deficiencies.
10. It almost feels frivilous to comment specifically, but Sex and the City is really bad. I will admit that I've watched several episodes of the TV show, sometimes enjoying them, sometimes even respecting their relative quality. The movie, however, is terrble. Almost every actor just phoned it in, though not so much as the writers. You would think that a writer constrained to 30 minute storylines would love the opportunity to add real depth to his characters when given two-plus hours to play with. Not so here. If anything, the characters are flatter and less interesting. Again, it's probably a waste of time to criticize this stuff as the movie was clearly made with its only purpose being to lure women into the theater. As with lots of our contemporary culture, mission accomplished commercially, mission big fat fail substantively. I guess it just offends me when someone who has the option to make something at least passably competent with what wouldn't even be any additional effort, but chooses instead to fill the cracks with shit. I don't really like the term "sell-out" as a slander because usually it's used hypocritically, but pretty much everyone involved in this movie sold out. Good for them, as long as they knew that's what they were doing.
11. Someone does indeed get married in the movie, in case you couldn't stand the garbage and turned it off before getting to the end.
12. On a brighter and barely relevant note, I read somewhere recently that Chris Noth's character on Law & Order is being replaced and the character is to be played by Jeff Goldblum.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
SB XLIII from a homer's perspective
This post is a sorta rip-off from a column Bill Simmons just posted doing a "retro-active" running diary of the Super Bowl. His rationale was that it was such a good and interesting ending to the game that it would be worth watching the replay and taking notes from it, even though he didn't take live notes during the game. This is a fine idea for a writer and all, and I'd normally not copy something so obviously, but I am a Pittsburgh homer and I thought maybe it would be interesting to get a direct fan's perspective of some of what turned out to be madness. (Doubly sorry about the irrelevance of this posting as most of yinz who'll be reading were probably in the room with me (through most of it).) I'm not going to rewatch the whole game; play-by-play scanning is sufficient.
1st Quarter, 10:11 remaining: 3rd & 1 -- B.Roethlisberger scrambles right end for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
This played was reviewed and overturned of course, and the whole time I was almost hoping they'd overturn it since I didn't want to have to hear shit forever about a bad call on a BR sneak on the goal line in a Super Bowl on 3rd down, like Seattle bitches about constantly.
Also, I thought this was an ok call because I was 100% adamant that we should be going for it on 4th down. The fact that we didn't and took the easy field goal was a decision that was at least haunting me throughout the first half. In a big game like this you can't just leave opportunities lying there. I was furious but it's hard to complain when you've just marched down the field on the opening drive.
1Q, 7:57: 1st & 20 -- K.Warner FUMBLES (Aborted) at ARZ 22, recovered by ARZ-E.James at ARZ 23. E.James to ARZ 27 for 4 yards (B.Keisel).
One thing I've learned from visiting the stat-oriented website footballoutsiders.com is that anytime the football hits the turf, the team to recover that ball is essentially random. This randomness drops slightly for in-the-backfield fumbles, but still the addition of this play to my earlier angst regarding the goal-line decision left me very very uncomfortable about the little breaks of the game to that point. But that's not all......
1Q, 5:25: 1st & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass incomplete deep middle to N.Washington (D.Rodgers-Cromartie).
Washington had him beat by a couple yards on what would have been an easy 44yd TD, Roethlisberger underthrows him by only about two yards, and DR-C makes a fantastic effort in getting there just in time to get a fingertip to deflect it. So close but not quite.
2Q, 14:09: 3rd & G -- G.Russell right guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
See, a couple minutes ago, I didn't know the near-miss wouldn't matter. This put us up 10-0, and with more than a quarter gone, we had two long efficient drives and they'd had only one short one. I was starting to feel ok.
2Q, 11:24: 2nd & 9 -- K.Warner pass short left to E.James to PIT 49 for 11 yards (I.Taylor).
This was the third completion to James on this drive, and I was started to get pissed that they'd noticed you can pick on us with screens and passes to the flat.
2Q, 8:43: 1st & G -- K.Warner pass short left to B.Patrick for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
Damn. That was kinda a fast response. Farrior was sooooo close to tipping it away but a super catch by the TE. Can't really complain about that.
2Q, 4:27: 4th & 12 -- M.Berger punts 43 yards to ARZ 23, Center-J.Retkofsky. S.Breaston to PIT 43 for 34 yards (C.Davis).
First, thanks to NBC giving us a from-behind-the-punter shot pre-play, so that we couldn't see the line of scrimmage, there was a lot of debate about whether this punt went over or under 44.5yds to settle a prop bet, so it didn't fully register how horrible it was Breaston had returned it into our territory. That's the last freaking thing I wanted to see at this point, a team we were starting let get some offensive momentum a short field to work with. I officially started being pissed at this point that they were receiving the second half kickoff.
2Q, 2:09: 2nd & 4 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short middle intended for S.Holmes INTERCEPTED by K.Dansby (B.Robinson) at PIT 33. K.Dansby to PIT 34 for -1 yards (M.Moore).
A fucking tipped pass at the line of scrimmage. A play which has three equally-likely events: caught by no one, caught by offense, and caught by defense. To this point, the penalties were pretty evenly called: a couple more on AZ, but then the type (holds, false start) were sorta predictable given the way our D plays. There was a 15yarder against them but nothing egregious. So I was pissed thinking that the breaks were going to go their way and there was a chance we'd lose the game because of it. I was definitely bumming at this point.
2Q, 0:59: 2nd & 10 -- K.Warner pass short middle to L.Fitzgerald to PIT 12 for 12 yards (I.Taylor).
I noticed earlier in the quarter that Fitzgerald was being shut out. This was his first catch, and even it was innocuous.
2Q, 0:18: 1st & G -- K.Warner pass short middle intended for A.Boldin INTERCEPTED by J.Harrison at PIT 0. J.Harrison for 100 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Pick, holy cow that's fortunate........I mean, that is a massive change of events...........Ha, Harrison is still running, too bad it's not someone faster..............Whoa he broke a tackle!............Jesus, there's not much time left...........He could make it!..........Come on! Don't fall down!...........Yes!!
HALF -- After that pick-six, I was back to feeling balanced about the game's flow. Ten point lead was nice, even though their ball coming out. I was thinking, we've moved the ball pretty well, all we need is another TD or a couple FGs, and that would give us 23-24 points, forcing them to score three times against our D. Feeling good about those chances.
Also, feeling like I needed to remind myself to eat something while the game was off. And thinking I don't want to be wasted right now. If we start blowing them out, or if horrible things happen and they somehow get ahead and I feel hopeless, then yes.
3Q, 11:02: 3rd & 6 -- K.Warner sacked at ARZ 45 for -6 yards (J.Farrior). FUMBLES (J.Farrior), RECOVERED by PIT-J.Harrison at ARZ 44. J.Harrison to ARZ 43 for 1 yard (L.Brown).
This play was reviewed and overturned, which after the fact isn't such a big deal since it was going to be 4th down anyway. But at the time it seemed huge, and it seemed a 50/50 shot that it would be overturned/upheld, even though I thought (and always think) that if a QB gets hit and the ball comes out while he's still holding the ball--even if his arm is going forward--that it should be a fumble. Of course, they thought differently and AZ got to punt. Disappointed, but not upset, cause like I said, that call could have gone either way.
3Q, 10:11 -- PENALTY on ARZ-D.Rodgers-Cromartie, Face Mask (15 Yards), 15 yards, enforced at PIT 21.
Watching live, I saw Holmes give a long stiff arm, and when I saw the flag I was ready to go ape-shit for them calling an offesive facemask penalty. Then on the replay I saw DR-C get a hold of Holmes' helmet and was thankful. This is the perfect support for my constant argument for 5yd personal fouls: it's definitely a foul but not bad enough to warrant 15. The way it stands though, this is a completely legit and necessary flag.
3Q, 7:41: 1st & 10 -- PENALTY on ARZ-K.Dansby, Roughing the Passer, 15 yards, enforced at 50 - No Play.
This is where people who are rooting against PIT start getting restless because they just saw the facemask a couple minutes ago. I agreed and still do agree that this doesn't justify a 15yd personal foul. Speaking now, as I look at the play-by-play, this was on first down and Holmes caught a 15yd pass two plays later so in the context of the game this call was nearly meaningless.
3Q, 3:36: 4th & 9 -- Je.Reed 27 yard field goal is GOOD, NULLIFIED by Penalty, Center-J.Retkofsky, Holder-M.Berger. PENALTY on ARZ-A.Wilson, Unnecessary Roughness, 5 yards, enforced at ARZ 9 - No Play.
The third personal foul of the drive finally has some effect on the drive, coming on 4th down. This one is much like the first, where clearly a flag should be thrown, but probably not a 15yd flag. Unfortunately for AZ, the NFL doesn't have 5yd fouls, so it had to be an automatic first down. The way I saw this play, I think it's fair, but I wouldn't have gone crazy if they'd let it go. Really, since PIT blundered away the gift (see below), and the FG attempt during the penalty was good anyway, even this penalty ended up having no effect on the game.
3Q, 2:49: 3rd & G -- B.Roethlisberger up the middle to ARZ 3 for -1 yards (G.Watson)
This was the second time in the game (after the first drive), when I yelled before a 3rd & close-to-goal situation, "Two runs! Run twice here please!" Oddly enough, on both occasions, they choose a QB run followed by a FG. Earlier I was horrified, but this time, especially after watching the stupid non-sneak QB run on 3rd down here, I was very unhappy but consolate with giving the D a 13 point lead.
4Q, 12:07: 3rd & 8 -- B.Roethlisberger sacked at PIT 38 for -12 yards (D.Dockett).
This ended a four-and-out drive by PIT, not at all what I was looking for. Up to this point, up 20-7, I was having flashbacks to Super Bowl XL when we had a smallish lead throughout but always chewed up enough clock or made a 3rd down stop to keep Seattle from getting back into it. Taking a giant sack in this spot is not an XL-type play.
4Q, 7:41: 3rd & G -- K.Warner pass short right to L.Fitzgerald for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
I instantly thought: well, you knew it was going to happen at some point, so it would have been silly not to. Fitzgerald caught 4 passes on this drive and I was slightly perturbed that they scored so fast.
4Q, 5:28 -- PENALTY on PIT-I.Taylor, Unnecessary Roughness, 15 yards, enforced at ARZ 36.
I was kinda pissed that this wasn't an off-setting penalty, since Taylor and Boldin had a hold of each other well out of bounds. Not much happened, and to flag one guy and not the other seemed wrong. Again, with hindsight, they punted on the drive anyway, so it wasn't a game-changer, but those 15yds proved pretty important when........
4Q, 3:34: 4th & 20 -- B.Graham punts 34 yards to PIT 2, Center-N.Hodel, downed by ARZ-M.Adams. PENALTY on PIT-J.Harrison, Unnecessary Roughness, 1 yard, enforced at PIT 2.
Great job downing the ball. At first, I chuckled when I saw Harrison flattening the guy on replay cause I knew it would only cost us a foot, but then I realized that one foot might be important since Fast Willie isn't so great at getting one or two when he needs it, and we'd be best served just running into the line for a yard three times and then punting away with a 7 point lead and maybe 2:00 to go.
4Q, 3:26: 1st & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass incomplete short right to H.Ward [A.Smith].
Horrible. Was not happy. At the very least, you punch it up the middle and run off 40 seconds of clock. It's not hard (I did get nervous on the next play when Parker nearly got stuffed for a loss).
4Q, 3:04: 3rd & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass deep right to S.Holmes to PIT 20 for 19 yards (D.Rodgers-Cromartie). PENALTY on PIT-J.Hartwig, Offensive Holding, 1 yard, enforced in End Zone, SAFETY - No Play.
God, was I happy when Holmes held onto that ball. Great catch in a big spot. Nice game by him. Then, to see the flag and the replay, I couldn't believe it. When the ref went to the safety symbol it was like in slow motion, the worst possible outcome just happened. Getting the replay, I couldn't believe they made the call in that situation. Like previous calls, sure you could call it, but normally you don't. Unlike previous calls against AZ, this one had a direct impact. At least they still needed a TD, I told myself, but I was in full-on panic mode. And I needed a few moments to calm myself because the whole room of people around me had done the usual when a Super Bowl is exciting at the end: started to pull for the upset and/or the team trailing. I didn't necessarily blame them for it, but it had made me completely uncomfortable anyway.
4Q, 2:47: 2nd & 10 -- K.Warner pass short middle to L.Fitzgerald for 64 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Jesus Christ. How can that happen against a prevent defense? The room went crazy and even before NBC had shown the replay I was walking out of the living room cause I absolutely couldn't take being in the middle of people cheering at that point.
Thankfully, Sara was watching alone in our room (supposedly doing work for school but can you believe she had the game on and was watching? God bless her), so I could actually sit down next to her and continue watching rather than just taking a few minute breather before re-entering the living room.
When I sat there and watched the commercials and then the kickoff I had a ridiculous peaceful feeling, like it didn't matter what happened anymore cause I was happy where I was in her company. It helped to remind me that the game was one day or at most one season and right there in the flesh next to me was much much more than that. Maybe it's hard to explain and maybe it's corny, but it is what it is.
4Q, 1:56: 3rd & 6 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to S.Holmes to PIT 39 for 13 yards (K.Dansby).
After some average clock management, Holmes here makes another big catch. There was a holding call against us at the beginning of the drive which caught me still in the zen-moment and didn't affect me. Still after this big catch I was only thinking FG and I was still fairly calm.
4Q, 1:33: 1st & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to N.Washington to 50 for 11 yards (A.Wilson).
How does Washington not go out of bounds? It was right there, just fall over the line. Cost us 20 seconds. Roethlisberger now was on camera running up and yelling out instructions to people and I was pissed that he didn't have the time to huddle up and concentrate. He's amazing in unscripted situations, but he doesn't make the right decision all the time, so I didn't like to see that. Also, Tomlin isn't very good with end-game strategy, so I was thinking about that too.
4Q, 1:02, 2nd & 6 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to S.Holmes to ARZ 6 for 40 yards (A.Francisco). Timeout #3 by PIT at 00:49.
Man alive, everything was happening so fast in this game all of a sudden. I will fully admit that as Holmes was running through AZ territory, especially the last 10yds, I was terrified he'd get hit from behind and fumble. He's great as a receiver but on punt returns (in other words, in the open field), he fumbles a lot. He's the kind of guy who doesn't switch the ball to the outside hand. Only when he went down at the 6 with ball still in hand was I relieved.
During the timeout, I was thinking, even though we'd struggled with short runs, we have to run on first down. With no timeouts, we've got to have a couple plays called at once, so if the run is stuffed, you go to a called pass, but if you gain a few yards, you run up the middle again. Then with maybe 15-20 seconds to go, you call a pass at the line and throw into the end zone.
4Q, 0:42, 2nd & G -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to S.Holmes for 6 yards, TOUCHDOWN. The Replay Assistant challenged the pass completion ruling, and the play was Upheld.
What an amazing catch. Thank you, Santonio. He let one go right through his hands on what would have been an equally amazing catch the play before, and I was worried we wouldn't get another chance that good. In fact, for a quick moment I was thinking we'd kick the FG and absolutely dreading the possibility of losing the OT coin toss and the game without ever touching the ball, then being used as a sort of martyr to finally change the OT rules.
During the review, I was back to being calm, although I felt there was no way you could overturn it. However, since the worst official review of all time (Polamalu's "football move" against Indy in the 2005/6 playoffs), I am forever scarred and will assume the worst until hearing otherwise.
4Q, 0:29: 1st & 10 -- K.Warner pass deep left to L.Fitzgerald to ARZ 43 for 20 yards (L.Timmons).
Yet again, this was almost the worst thing that could happen. Fitzgerald has such great hands. Now I was no longer confident since they'd have a couple chances at normal-length hail marys, and not have to just try a hopeless lateral-fest.
4Q, 0:15, 1st & 10 -- K.Warner sacked at PIT 49 for -5 yards (L.Woodley). FUMBLES (L.Woodley), RECOVERED by PIT-B.Keisel at PIT 43. B.Keisel to PIT 43 for no gain (L.Brown).
Lots going through my mind during this sequence. Too much, actually. First, thank god we got to him. When Keisel fell on the ball, I was looking for flags or assuming something would be overturned or whatnot; it just seemed too easy a way to end the game. Then, during the couple replays, I was: 1. very sure that I thought it was indeed a fumble, and 2. completely 100% terrified that they'd review the play and overturn it just like they did for the Warner fumble earlier in the game. I was thinking how freaking angry I'd be in two of those tuck-rule-esque calls went against us in the same game. Then, suddenly the rational side took over and I remembered that they would still have to complete the hail mary to win, and even though Indy damn near accomplished the feat against us in the '95 playoffs, I didn't think it would happen this time. Then, thankfully and unexpectedly, the Steeler offense comes on the field and Roethlisberger takes a knee and they never reviewed it. Amazing. What a weird way to end the game. Just 90 minutes earlier, I was so very confident, and then it all washed away and here I was, the game was over and it took a few seconds for the satisfaction to kick in.
1st Quarter, 10:11 remaining: 3rd & 1 -- B.Roethlisberger scrambles right end for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
This played was reviewed and overturned of course, and the whole time I was almost hoping they'd overturn it since I didn't want to have to hear shit forever about a bad call on a BR sneak on the goal line in a Super Bowl on 3rd down, like Seattle bitches about constantly.
Also, I thought this was an ok call because I was 100% adamant that we should be going for it on 4th down. The fact that we didn't and took the easy field goal was a decision that was at least haunting me throughout the first half. In a big game like this you can't just leave opportunities lying there. I was furious but it's hard to complain when you've just marched down the field on the opening drive.
1Q, 7:57: 1st & 20 -- K.Warner FUMBLES (Aborted) at ARZ 22, recovered by ARZ-E.James at ARZ 23. E.James to ARZ 27 for 4 yards (B.Keisel).
One thing I've learned from visiting the stat-oriented website footballoutsiders.com is that anytime the football hits the turf, the team to recover that ball is essentially random. This randomness drops slightly for in-the-backfield fumbles, but still the addition of this play to my earlier angst regarding the goal-line decision left me very very uncomfortable about the little breaks of the game to that point. But that's not all......
1Q, 5:25: 1st & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass incomplete deep middle to N.Washington (D.Rodgers-Cromartie).
Washington had him beat by a couple yards on what would have been an easy 44yd TD, Roethlisberger underthrows him by only about two yards, and DR-C makes a fantastic effort in getting there just in time to get a fingertip to deflect it. So close but not quite.
2Q, 14:09: 3rd & G -- G.Russell right guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
See, a couple minutes ago, I didn't know the near-miss wouldn't matter. This put us up 10-0, and with more than a quarter gone, we had two long efficient drives and they'd had only one short one. I was starting to feel ok.
2Q, 11:24: 2nd & 9 -- K.Warner pass short left to E.James to PIT 49 for 11 yards (I.Taylor).
This was the third completion to James on this drive, and I was started to get pissed that they'd noticed you can pick on us with screens and passes to the flat.
2Q, 8:43: 1st & G -- K.Warner pass short left to B.Patrick for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
Damn. That was kinda a fast response. Farrior was sooooo close to tipping it away but a super catch by the TE. Can't really complain about that.
2Q, 4:27: 4th & 12 -- M.Berger punts 43 yards to ARZ 23, Center-J.Retkofsky. S.Breaston to PIT 43 for 34 yards (C.Davis).
First, thanks to NBC giving us a from-behind-the-punter shot pre-play, so that we couldn't see the line of scrimmage, there was a lot of debate about whether this punt went over or under 44.5yds to settle a prop bet, so it didn't fully register how horrible it was Breaston had returned it into our territory. That's the last freaking thing I wanted to see at this point, a team we were starting let get some offensive momentum a short field to work with. I officially started being pissed at this point that they were receiving the second half kickoff.
2Q, 2:09: 2nd & 4 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short middle intended for S.Holmes INTERCEPTED by K.Dansby (B.Robinson) at PIT 33. K.Dansby to PIT 34 for -1 yards (M.Moore).
A fucking tipped pass at the line of scrimmage. A play which has three equally-likely events: caught by no one, caught by offense, and caught by defense. To this point, the penalties were pretty evenly called: a couple more on AZ, but then the type (holds, false start) were sorta predictable given the way our D plays. There was a 15yarder against them but nothing egregious. So I was pissed thinking that the breaks were going to go their way and there was a chance we'd lose the game because of it. I was definitely bumming at this point.
2Q, 0:59: 2nd & 10 -- K.Warner pass short middle to L.Fitzgerald to PIT 12 for 12 yards (I.Taylor).
I noticed earlier in the quarter that Fitzgerald was being shut out. This was his first catch, and even it was innocuous.
2Q, 0:18: 1st & G -- K.Warner pass short middle intended for A.Boldin INTERCEPTED by J.Harrison at PIT 0. J.Harrison for 100 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Pick, holy cow that's fortunate........I mean, that is a massive change of events...........Ha, Harrison is still running, too bad it's not someone faster..............Whoa he broke a tackle!............Jesus, there's not much time left...........He could make it!..........Come on! Don't fall down!...........Yes!!
HALF -- After that pick-six, I was back to feeling balanced about the game's flow. Ten point lead was nice, even though their ball coming out. I was thinking, we've moved the ball pretty well, all we need is another TD or a couple FGs, and that would give us 23-24 points, forcing them to score three times against our D. Feeling good about those chances.
Also, feeling like I needed to remind myself to eat something while the game was off. And thinking I don't want to be wasted right now. If we start blowing them out, or if horrible things happen and they somehow get ahead and I feel hopeless, then yes.
3Q, 11:02: 3rd & 6 -- K.Warner sacked at ARZ 45 for -6 yards (J.Farrior). FUMBLES (J.Farrior), RECOVERED by PIT-J.Harrison at ARZ 44. J.Harrison to ARZ 43 for 1 yard (L.Brown).
This play was reviewed and overturned, which after the fact isn't such a big deal since it was going to be 4th down anyway. But at the time it seemed huge, and it seemed a 50/50 shot that it would be overturned/upheld, even though I thought (and always think) that if a QB gets hit and the ball comes out while he's still holding the ball--even if his arm is going forward--that it should be a fumble. Of course, they thought differently and AZ got to punt. Disappointed, but not upset, cause like I said, that call could have gone either way.
3Q, 10:11 -- PENALTY on ARZ-D.Rodgers-Cromartie, Face Mask (15 Yards), 15 yards, enforced at PIT 21.
Watching live, I saw Holmes give a long stiff arm, and when I saw the flag I was ready to go ape-shit for them calling an offesive facemask penalty. Then on the replay I saw DR-C get a hold of Holmes' helmet and was thankful. This is the perfect support for my constant argument for 5yd personal fouls: it's definitely a foul but not bad enough to warrant 15. The way it stands though, this is a completely legit and necessary flag.
3Q, 7:41: 1st & 10 -- PENALTY on ARZ-K.Dansby, Roughing the Passer, 15 yards, enforced at 50 - No Play.
This is where people who are rooting against PIT start getting restless because they just saw the facemask a couple minutes ago. I agreed and still do agree that this doesn't justify a 15yd personal foul. Speaking now, as I look at the play-by-play, this was on first down and Holmes caught a 15yd pass two plays later so in the context of the game this call was nearly meaningless.
3Q, 3:36: 4th & 9 -- Je.Reed 27 yard field goal is GOOD, NULLIFIED by Penalty, Center-J.Retkofsky, Holder-M.Berger. PENALTY on ARZ-A.Wilson, Unnecessary Roughness, 5 yards, enforced at ARZ 9 - No Play.
The third personal foul of the drive finally has some effect on the drive, coming on 4th down. This one is much like the first, where clearly a flag should be thrown, but probably not a 15yd flag. Unfortunately for AZ, the NFL doesn't have 5yd fouls, so it had to be an automatic first down. The way I saw this play, I think it's fair, but I wouldn't have gone crazy if they'd let it go. Really, since PIT blundered away the gift (see below), and the FG attempt during the penalty was good anyway, even this penalty ended up having no effect on the game.
3Q, 2:49: 3rd & G -- B.Roethlisberger up the middle to ARZ 3 for -1 yards (G.Watson)
This was the second time in the game (after the first drive), when I yelled before a 3rd & close-to-goal situation, "Two runs! Run twice here please!" Oddly enough, on both occasions, they choose a QB run followed by a FG. Earlier I was horrified, but this time, especially after watching the stupid non-sneak QB run on 3rd down here, I was very unhappy but consolate with giving the D a 13 point lead.
4Q, 12:07: 3rd & 8 -- B.Roethlisberger sacked at PIT 38 for -12 yards (D.Dockett).
This ended a four-and-out drive by PIT, not at all what I was looking for. Up to this point, up 20-7, I was having flashbacks to Super Bowl XL when we had a smallish lead throughout but always chewed up enough clock or made a 3rd down stop to keep Seattle from getting back into it. Taking a giant sack in this spot is not an XL-type play.
4Q, 7:41: 3rd & G -- K.Warner pass short right to L.Fitzgerald for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.
I instantly thought: well, you knew it was going to happen at some point, so it would have been silly not to. Fitzgerald caught 4 passes on this drive and I was slightly perturbed that they scored so fast.
4Q, 5:28 -- PENALTY on PIT-I.Taylor, Unnecessary Roughness, 15 yards, enforced at ARZ 36.
I was kinda pissed that this wasn't an off-setting penalty, since Taylor and Boldin had a hold of each other well out of bounds. Not much happened, and to flag one guy and not the other seemed wrong. Again, with hindsight, they punted on the drive anyway, so it wasn't a game-changer, but those 15yds proved pretty important when........
4Q, 3:34: 4th & 20 -- B.Graham punts 34 yards to PIT 2, Center-N.Hodel, downed by ARZ-M.Adams. PENALTY on PIT-J.Harrison, Unnecessary Roughness, 1 yard, enforced at PIT 2.
Great job downing the ball. At first, I chuckled when I saw Harrison flattening the guy on replay cause I knew it would only cost us a foot, but then I realized that one foot might be important since Fast Willie isn't so great at getting one or two when he needs it, and we'd be best served just running into the line for a yard three times and then punting away with a 7 point lead and maybe 2:00 to go.
4Q, 3:26: 1st & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass incomplete short right to H.Ward [A.Smith].
Horrible. Was not happy. At the very least, you punch it up the middle and run off 40 seconds of clock. It's not hard (I did get nervous on the next play when Parker nearly got stuffed for a loss).
4Q, 3:04: 3rd & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass deep right to S.Holmes to PIT 20 for 19 yards (D.Rodgers-Cromartie). PENALTY on PIT-J.Hartwig, Offensive Holding, 1 yard, enforced in End Zone, SAFETY - No Play.
God, was I happy when Holmes held onto that ball. Great catch in a big spot. Nice game by him. Then, to see the flag and the replay, I couldn't believe it. When the ref went to the safety symbol it was like in slow motion, the worst possible outcome just happened. Getting the replay, I couldn't believe they made the call in that situation. Like previous calls, sure you could call it, but normally you don't. Unlike previous calls against AZ, this one had a direct impact. At least they still needed a TD, I told myself, but I was in full-on panic mode. And I needed a few moments to calm myself because the whole room of people around me had done the usual when a Super Bowl is exciting at the end: started to pull for the upset and/or the team trailing. I didn't necessarily blame them for it, but it had made me completely uncomfortable anyway.
4Q, 2:47: 2nd & 10 -- K.Warner pass short middle to L.Fitzgerald for 64 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Jesus Christ. How can that happen against a prevent defense? The room went crazy and even before NBC had shown the replay I was walking out of the living room cause I absolutely couldn't take being in the middle of people cheering at that point.
Thankfully, Sara was watching alone in our room (supposedly doing work for school but can you believe she had the game on and was watching? God bless her), so I could actually sit down next to her and continue watching rather than just taking a few minute breather before re-entering the living room.
When I sat there and watched the commercials and then the kickoff I had a ridiculous peaceful feeling, like it didn't matter what happened anymore cause I was happy where I was in her company. It helped to remind me that the game was one day or at most one season and right there in the flesh next to me was much much more than that. Maybe it's hard to explain and maybe it's corny, but it is what it is.
4Q, 1:56: 3rd & 6 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to S.Holmes to PIT 39 for 13 yards (K.Dansby).
After some average clock management, Holmes here makes another big catch. There was a holding call against us at the beginning of the drive which caught me still in the zen-moment and didn't affect me. Still after this big catch I was only thinking FG and I was still fairly calm.
4Q, 1:33: 1st & 10 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to N.Washington to 50 for 11 yards (A.Wilson).
How does Washington not go out of bounds? It was right there, just fall over the line. Cost us 20 seconds. Roethlisberger now was on camera running up and yelling out instructions to people and I was pissed that he didn't have the time to huddle up and concentrate. He's amazing in unscripted situations, but he doesn't make the right decision all the time, so I didn't like to see that. Also, Tomlin isn't very good with end-game strategy, so I was thinking about that too.
4Q, 1:02, 2nd & 6 -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to S.Holmes to ARZ 6 for 40 yards (A.Francisco). Timeout #3 by PIT at 00:49.
Man alive, everything was happening so fast in this game all of a sudden. I will fully admit that as Holmes was running through AZ territory, especially the last 10yds, I was terrified he'd get hit from behind and fumble. He's great as a receiver but on punt returns (in other words, in the open field), he fumbles a lot. He's the kind of guy who doesn't switch the ball to the outside hand. Only when he went down at the 6 with ball still in hand was I relieved.
During the timeout, I was thinking, even though we'd struggled with short runs, we have to run on first down. With no timeouts, we've got to have a couple plays called at once, so if the run is stuffed, you go to a called pass, but if you gain a few yards, you run up the middle again. Then with maybe 15-20 seconds to go, you call a pass at the line and throw into the end zone.
4Q, 0:42, 2nd & G -- B.Roethlisberger pass short right to S.Holmes for 6 yards, TOUCHDOWN. The Replay Assistant challenged the pass completion ruling, and the play was Upheld.
What an amazing catch. Thank you, Santonio. He let one go right through his hands on what would have been an equally amazing catch the play before, and I was worried we wouldn't get another chance that good. In fact, for a quick moment I was thinking we'd kick the FG and absolutely dreading the possibility of losing the OT coin toss and the game without ever touching the ball, then being used as a sort of martyr to finally change the OT rules.
During the review, I was back to being calm, although I felt there was no way you could overturn it. However, since the worst official review of all time (Polamalu's "football move" against Indy in the 2005/6 playoffs), I am forever scarred and will assume the worst until hearing otherwise.
4Q, 0:29: 1st & 10 -- K.Warner pass deep left to L.Fitzgerald to ARZ 43 for 20 yards (L.Timmons).
Yet again, this was almost the worst thing that could happen. Fitzgerald has such great hands. Now I was no longer confident since they'd have a couple chances at normal-length hail marys, and not have to just try a hopeless lateral-fest.
4Q, 0:15, 1st & 10 -- K.Warner sacked at PIT 49 for -5 yards (L.Woodley). FUMBLES (L.Woodley), RECOVERED by PIT-B.Keisel at PIT 43. B.Keisel to PIT 43 for no gain (L.Brown).
Lots going through my mind during this sequence. Too much, actually. First, thank god we got to him. When Keisel fell on the ball, I was looking for flags or assuming something would be overturned or whatnot; it just seemed too easy a way to end the game. Then, during the couple replays, I was: 1. very sure that I thought it was indeed a fumble, and 2. completely 100% terrified that they'd review the play and overturn it just like they did for the Warner fumble earlier in the game. I was thinking how freaking angry I'd be in two of those tuck-rule-esque calls went against us in the same game. Then, suddenly the rational side took over and I remembered that they would still have to complete the hail mary to win, and even though Indy damn near accomplished the feat against us in the '95 playoffs, I didn't think it would happen this time. Then, thankfully and unexpectedly, the Steeler offense comes on the field and Roethlisberger takes a knee and they never reviewed it. Amazing. What a weird way to end the game. Just 90 minutes earlier, I was so very confident, and then it all washed away and here I was, the game was over and it took a few seconds for the satisfaction to kick in.
Friday, January 16, 2009
this is how people turn into republicans
I haven't watched any real movies lately, so let's talk about something else, like old Tommo. You remember him from the joke a couple weeks ago. What a great guy. No, I'm just saying that cause that's what you're supposed to say. No one ever says, "Gee, that Steve, what a flaming dick he is." Back to Tom, though. He's no flaming dick, but he is certainly flaming. One little-known thing I know about Tom and will share with you today is that he is really interested in an internet footprint.
Other news, I'm 28 years old and pretending to be a receptionist for the day. Since that's not my real job, it almost feels like I'm a 21 year old temping or something. Helps to keep a man grounded, gives him an opportunity to see things as they once were, because things change. For instance, I am voraciously soaking up net-knowledge as I plan my honeymoon for this August. That right there is a basic and major change. But as I look around and research places to stay (we've almost certainly settled on spending our 9-night vacation around the Yucatan Peninsula. Nice beaches, nice resorts, jungles, ancient ruins, relatively unspoiled or un-tourist-ed islands, all fairly cheap: sounded like a winner to me), a heretofore unknown thought has guided my decision-making. I'm concerned about safety, specifically the safety of my precious future bride. I think this terrifying reaction is called responsibility. The concern not merely for oneself, but for others. It's what parents do naturally on behalf of kids, and I think it's a prerequsite for a mature relationship.
The question here is how does this affect the rest of my actions? Is this strong-even-if-sometimes-irrational approach to situations something that you can turn on and off? Will I be "grown-up" when planning something involving Sara, while turning into a careless follower when doing anything else? I'd hope that the answer to this last question remains yes, at least for a little while longer. I enjoy the freedom of not being responsible for anyone, often includng myself, but the alternative is sort of a right of passage for people around my age. I guess what I'm saying is I hope this transition for me is a nebulous one.
While we're on the subject of change, Hamsgiving is tomorrow and I can't promise a liveblog as in past years. For one, it will be frigid (sub-20degrees, just like we'd always intended for the holiday. I seem to recall it being unseasonably warm last year) and so I won't be as apt to be jotting in a notebook, and for two I don't know how easy any access to a computer will be. I shall go prepared though and will do my best. I look forward to it.
Other news, I'm 28 years old and pretending to be a receptionist for the day. Since that's not my real job, it almost feels like I'm a 21 year old temping or something. Helps to keep a man grounded, gives him an opportunity to see things as they once were, because things change. For instance, I am voraciously soaking up net-knowledge as I plan my honeymoon for this August. That right there is a basic and major change. But as I look around and research places to stay (we've almost certainly settled on spending our 9-night vacation around the Yucatan Peninsula. Nice beaches, nice resorts, jungles, ancient ruins, relatively unspoiled or un-tourist-ed islands, all fairly cheap: sounded like a winner to me), a heretofore unknown thought has guided my decision-making. I'm concerned about safety, specifically the safety of my precious future bride. I think this terrifying reaction is called responsibility. The concern not merely for oneself, but for others. It's what parents do naturally on behalf of kids, and I think it's a prerequsite for a mature relationship.
The question here is how does this affect the rest of my actions? Is this strong-even-if-sometimes-irrational approach to situations something that you can turn on and off? Will I be "grown-up" when planning something involving Sara, while turning into a careless follower when doing anything else? I'd hope that the answer to this last question remains yes, at least for a little while longer. I enjoy the freedom of not being responsible for anyone, often includng myself, but the alternative is sort of a right of passage for people around my age. I guess what I'm saying is I hope this transition for me is a nebulous one.
While we're on the subject of change, Hamsgiving is tomorrow and I can't promise a liveblog as in past years. For one, it will be frigid (sub-20degrees, just like we'd always intended for the holiday. I seem to recall it being unseasonably warm last year) and so I won't be as apt to be jotting in a notebook, and for two I don't know how easy any access to a computer will be. I shall go prepared though and will do my best. I look forward to it.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Some notes on voting this morning, but first a couple follow-ups to my last post:
1. I read my post again, and I notice it seems naive, almost precious. What can I say, the guy does that to you. I do not rescind anything.
2. I would be seriously remiss to mention my Obama-vote without placing it in the context of my life with Sara. She is as intense a supporter of her home state/home city-man as any I've encountered. She's such a staunch liberal/Democrat that she gets physically upset when watching anyone from the Bush administration speak. Democrats could nominate Karl Marx and she might question his moderacy.
Anyway, when I said I was researching the candidates last night, I was doing this (at least initially) while sitting on the couch next to her. She asked me what I was up to, and I said I was deciding who I was going to vote for. She said "For President?" and I said "Yeah." The utter disappointment/horror across her face as she said "You're not voting for Obama?" was striking. I followed with my standard reminder of my no D/R position, but even though she has heard this screed before, it did not serve to placate her much. Shortly after she left and went to bed I resumed my skull session in earnest. I think had it not been for her bluntly honest reaction to my intents I might not have come to my relative epiphany regarding what I see as the true and transcendent nature of Obama's candidacy. I mean, I've known all along from a historical standpoint that this is really a big deal, but it hadn't much trickled down to me personally.
I don't think that we will always vote for the same people--far from it--but in certain special cases, I think it's important to note the inevitability, spawned by our closeness, of our one mind.
3. Voter turnout, particularly among blacks and youths, has been a point of discussion throughout this campaign. But I'd like to state from eyewitness report (albeit a pathetically small sample sized-report) of my experiences voting this morning, the turnout this year could be spectacularly large, so much to cause potentially big problems in some states. I've never taken more than 3-5 minutes total to vote in any NYC election, including for governor and for mayor. Of course these are far less attended than a presidential election, but a respectable 30% of the electorate voted in the 2005 mayoral election, which is roughly half of what's expected to be something near 60% turnout nationally in this year's contest. Anyhow, it took me almost 90 minutes to get through the line this morning, and I arrived at 7:50AM. The line was distinctly longer when I left. Also, in NY this year there is only one ballot proposal, and no other race above the US Congress-level. Of the perhaps 8 races in NYC this year, plus the proposal, it couldn't take even a complete dunce more than 30 seconds to finish voting (an assumption I can confirm from my time standing in the long but fast-moving line).
So I'm going to predict that turnout for this election blows away the expectations, which is clearly a good thing in general but a bad one specifically:
4. There are going to be big problems in some swing states, problems that will invariably end up in courts, something that will do huge damage to what would otherwise surely turn into an easy and triumphant night for Obama. I'm not suggesting something like 2000 where it's December before we can confirm a winner, but turnout will overwhelm polling places to the point that perhaps we will finally get some reform on the matter. How there is not some tiny temporary % tax increase initiated to upgrade voting systems on a comprehensive scale is borderline criminal. The machines we at least still use in NYC, with their pathetic punchcard results, would barely be suitable in a third-world country.
5. It's really just about time we declared Election Day a national holiday and got the day off work. I say this not lazily, but more as a way of reforming the polling place voting experience. Of perhaps 20 people working my location this morning, maybe 6 were remotely competent. This is unsurpising because who would take time off to volunteer to work the polls? A memory from my childhood is tagging along with my parents when they voted and spending maybe 30 minutes there with my grandmother, who worked the polls every year. That's right, a 4 year old was playing inside the polling place while his aggressively and menacingly Republican (75 year old) grandmother acted as gatekeeper to democracy. Today there was a man with one eye (one bad eye, he was in charge of reading people's cards to ensure they were where they should be. I saw he squint and lean in to try to read a card given to him. He struggled for 4 seconds before realizing he was reading the back--blank--side of the card.), two women too obese to stand up, and several people unable to direct as many as ten people into two lines.
If everyone had the day off, you would get intelligent and competent people volunteering. I would even make it mandatory of poll workers to attend two rehearsal sessions: one to organize the team and space, and another to do a full walk-through. This stuff need not be difficult. Lord knows it's important enough to devote some energy to trying to get right.
1. I read my post again, and I notice it seems naive, almost precious. What can I say, the guy does that to you. I do not rescind anything.
2. I would be seriously remiss to mention my Obama-vote without placing it in the context of my life with Sara. She is as intense a supporter of her home state/home city-man as any I've encountered. She's such a staunch liberal/Democrat that she gets physically upset when watching anyone from the Bush administration speak. Democrats could nominate Karl Marx and she might question his moderacy.
Anyway, when I said I was researching the candidates last night, I was doing this (at least initially) while sitting on the couch next to her. She asked me what I was up to, and I said I was deciding who I was going to vote for. She said "For President?" and I said "Yeah." The utter disappointment/horror across her face as she said "You're not voting for Obama?" was striking. I followed with my standard reminder of my no D/R position, but even though she has heard this screed before, it did not serve to placate her much. Shortly after she left and went to bed I resumed my skull session in earnest. I think had it not been for her bluntly honest reaction to my intents I might not have come to my relative epiphany regarding what I see as the true and transcendent nature of Obama's candidacy. I mean, I've known all along from a historical standpoint that this is really a big deal, but it hadn't much trickled down to me personally.
I don't think that we will always vote for the same people--far from it--but in certain special cases, I think it's important to note the inevitability, spawned by our closeness, of our one mind.
3. Voter turnout, particularly among blacks and youths, has been a point of discussion throughout this campaign. But I'd like to state from eyewitness report (albeit a pathetically small sample sized-report) of my experiences voting this morning, the turnout this year could be spectacularly large, so much to cause potentially big problems in some states. I've never taken more than 3-5 minutes total to vote in any NYC election, including for governor and for mayor. Of course these are far less attended than a presidential election, but a respectable 30% of the electorate voted in the 2005 mayoral election, which is roughly half of what's expected to be something near 60% turnout nationally in this year's contest. Anyhow, it took me almost 90 minutes to get through the line this morning, and I arrived at 7:50AM. The line was distinctly longer when I left. Also, in NY this year there is only one ballot proposal, and no other race above the US Congress-level. Of the perhaps 8 races in NYC this year, plus the proposal, it couldn't take even a complete dunce more than 30 seconds to finish voting (an assumption I can confirm from my time standing in the long but fast-moving line).
So I'm going to predict that turnout for this election blows away the expectations, which is clearly a good thing in general but a bad one specifically:
4. There are going to be big problems in some swing states, problems that will invariably end up in courts, something that will do huge damage to what would otherwise surely turn into an easy and triumphant night for Obama. I'm not suggesting something like 2000 where it's December before we can confirm a winner, but turnout will overwhelm polling places to the point that perhaps we will finally get some reform on the matter. How there is not some tiny temporary % tax increase initiated to upgrade voting systems on a comprehensive scale is borderline criminal. The machines we at least still use in NYC, with their pathetic punchcard results, would barely be suitable in a third-world country.
5. It's really just about time we declared Election Day a national holiday and got the day off work. I say this not lazily, but more as a way of reforming the polling place voting experience. Of perhaps 20 people working my location this morning, maybe 6 were remotely competent. This is unsurpising because who would take time off to volunteer to work the polls? A memory from my childhood is tagging along with my parents when they voted and spending maybe 30 minutes there with my grandmother, who worked the polls every year. That's right, a 4 year old was playing inside the polling place while his aggressively and menacingly Republican (75 year old) grandmother acted as gatekeeper to democracy. Today there was a man with one eye (one bad eye, he was in charge of reading people's cards to ensure they were where they should be. I saw he squint and lean in to try to read a card given to him. He struggled for 4 seconds before realizing he was reading the back--blank--side of the card.), two women too obese to stand up, and several people unable to direct as many as ten people into two lines.
If everyone had the day off, you would get intelligent and competent people volunteering. I would even make it mandatory of poll workers to attend two rehearsal sessions: one to organize the team and space, and another to do a full walk-through. This stuff need not be difficult. Lord knows it's important enough to devote some energy to trying to get right.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
i was standing leaning over the rail on the deck behind the hermiller residence just now and in between puffs of my pipe i couldn't stop the feeling that i am completely happy right now. it's too pleasant. it's wonderful. someone just yelled my name in the back. i'm standing there on the rail looking around, in my shorts feeling utterly comfortable, watching the ebbs and flows of the party below me, watching someone other than myself man the grill, sensing people talking 360 degrees around me and passively absorbing everything. eventually my seventh sense causes my eye to wander around looking for reinforcement of the beauty within and i see her and she's not looking at me but she's close enough and it's comforting and it's exultant and i catch an icy bit of glory shooting from inside my chest out into the party. i feel like how the rain must feel when it sees a rainbow. maybe it's sad and maybe it's overly sappy but shit, it's it. and that's me now. pretty.
Friday, May 2, 2008
1. Participated in the spectacle that is the Tribeca Film Festival. Actually, I just went and saw a new movie that's on the festival list because I got free tickets from a co-worker. There was no pomp, no celebrities, nothing whatsoever that would make me a cooler human being. Since you're wondering, the movie I saw was a documentary called Secrecy, which is naturally about government policies regarding classified information. It was a decent film, of good quality as you'd expect with a festival selection, but nothing exceedinly interesting in my opinion. In fact, they only touched on what I thought was the truly interesting angle: the fact that we're living in the "information age" and therefore everyone has more info than ever before and so the whole practice and gathering of classified intelligence would seem to be somewhat arcane and the huge struggle to hide what's nearly impossible to hide even more arcane. Instead they chose to pursue the GWBush is horrible/the government is a dirty secretive body/we have a right to know crap. It's all fine to uncover some illicit govermental moves to hide some facts, but I've seen all that before. It's called Frontline and it's on every week for free on PBS. I gave it a 3 out of 5 on the audience scorecard.
2. I had my first pop in maybe 2-3 years while watching the movie. It wasn't as monumental an occasion as it could have been as 1) it was only a diet, and 2) it was a fountain drink so not as aggressively carbonated. It was actually somewhat pleasant.
3. Along the lines of my New Yorker thought from last time, I stopped and thought about it just now when writing the word "pop." I've gotten infected with "soda" so much that "pop" doesn't come naturally anymore, and even when it does it somehow sounds odd in my head.
4. Dave thinks I'm not a good writer anymore. This is probably true. At least I'm not as spontaneous or perhaps as madly interesting as I was. It's because I'm happy. Or content. These are wonderful things to be, but for my own artistic purposes, not really conducive to exultant creation. Because I'm almost always happy, I don't have those lonely or horribly agitated or otherwise expansive emotional range that I used to. So my prose doesn't have as much range either. Or at least that's how I can explain it.
5. I'm always happy because of Sara. So Sara, shame on you for your one negative influence on my life. I'm not sure just yet how serious that sentence is. Not very, but maybe a tiny bit. I'll think about it.
2. I had my first pop in maybe 2-3 years while watching the movie. It wasn't as monumental an occasion as it could have been as 1) it was only a diet, and 2) it was a fountain drink so not as aggressively carbonated. It was actually somewhat pleasant.
3. Along the lines of my New Yorker thought from last time, I stopped and thought about it just now when writing the word "pop." I've gotten infected with "soda" so much that "pop" doesn't come naturally anymore, and even when it does it somehow sounds odd in my head.
4. Dave thinks I'm not a good writer anymore. This is probably true. At least I'm not as spontaneous or perhaps as madly interesting as I was. It's because I'm happy. Or content. These are wonderful things to be, but for my own artistic purposes, not really conducive to exultant creation. Because I'm almost always happy, I don't have those lonely or horribly agitated or otherwise expansive emotional range that I used to. So my prose doesn't have as much range either. Or at least that's how I can explain it.
5. I'm always happy because of Sara. So Sara, shame on you for your one negative influence on my life. I'm not sure just yet how serious that sentence is. Not very, but maybe a tiny bit. I'll think about it.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
It's been a long time so briefly at the top here I'll give you a free film review. High Plains Drifter, Clint Eastwood's second movie as a director, is a mid-seventies western starring Clint as the "Stranger," a character that is so obviously copied from his Sergio Leone roles that it's actually jarring not to see his mexican poncho. All the other trademarks are there: black flat-brimmed hat, skinny cigar, general mute stoicism. Aside from the simple joy of watching Clint do this familiar dance, I was quite disappointed in this film. It seemed to go out of its way to incorporate all the lame conventions of the western without adding anything. In fact, I didn't even finish it cause I realized an hour into it that it wasn't really necessary. This might have been fun for people who like westerns back in 1973, but I can't really recommend watching it for any kind of value. In 2030, would someone who generally enjoys romantic comedies ever go back and watch You've Got Mail for any good reason?
I've got a more formed opinion now of There Will Be Blood, of which I watched the first 90 minutes of again the other day. There are three things about it that are utterly extraordinary: Daniel Day-Lewis, the music, and the beautiful camera movements within virtually every scene that isn't simply static. DDay pretty much speaks for himself and unless you've been subjected to cold-war era psych treatments, his power emanates right from the first time you see him. To speak more (or really at all) on his performance is superfluous.
The music too was intensely enchanting even throughout my first viewing of the film, but I'd like to say that perhaps not enough has been made about how truly amazing it is because upon a second tour I found it often to outshine the verbal story it's woven into. I know the guy from Radiohead did it; let's hope he stays in the movie business cause he's a natural genius for it.
Finally, the camera action. This is something that I noticed initially but felt like maybe I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have, and so paid particular attention to the way Mr PT Anderson was technically delivering his images to us. I'd like to report that he did it phenomenally. through extensive movie-watching, I've come to realize that something I fundamentally love is an intelligent use of editing, or more specifically a conservative use of cuts combined with well-thought-out uses of pans and zooms between shots. Go watch some of the classics of Kurosawa for a visual course in what I'm talking about. Anderson seems to have done his homework in this regard, to the extent that several times throughout I found myself thinking about Kurosawa. He seems always to start on a general wide scene shot and drift forward or laterally across the scene so we can take everything in before finally settling on what will ultimately be important in the scene. Think of a shot where he surveys the land and the camps near the Little Boston well before finally bringing the derrick itself into the frame and zooming in, where Plainview is usually involved in the true action of the scene. Another specific example is when Eli is walking down to confront Plainview about where his church's money is. Instead of simply letting Eli walk into Plainview's frame, we follw from Eli's perspective as he walks along a pipeline and a vast lake of oil finally walking into where Plainview had been talking to some assistants. All the information that we see as Eli walks is important and stimulating. To top off this particular example, we get a beautifully framed shot with three men forming a perfect Kurosawsa-esque triangle, whose gap is of course filled by the entering Eli. This is the stuff that most people might not notice but most definitely adds to the overall experience of the film. If you are like me and do notice, then it moves everything to another level. My only nitpick is that none of this style seems very ambitious, innovative, or creative, so while it's certainly fine work, it falls quite short of being anything truly brilliant. Nonetheless, this is more argumentative and should not get in the way of your noticing the wonderful quality of this aspect of the film. So do enjoy.
(I'd like to finish off the last hour of the film again before passing a complete judgement (even though I'm quite sure the last hour will only serve to intensify my opinion), but the main problem I still have with There Will Be Blood is the character of Eli and/or perhaps also the actor Paul Dano. There is something quite seriously not right with this performance. I haven't yet determined who's at fault here: the writer for screwing up the dynamic of the character, Dano for screwing up the role, the casting director for hiring Dano in the first place, or Anderson the director for simply leading him to all the wrong decisions in playing the part. I suppose I can see how it might be desirable to have someone projecting extreme calm in the face of DDay's/Plainview's intensity, but in my opinion something is forced and awkward about Eli/Dano. It's uncomfortable, which I suppose would be preferrable if the film were an allegory, but of course I don't see that it is. It seems like someone made that decision somewhere along the line but then everyone just went too far with it. The entirely of this film is grandiose and intense and just simply large--all things that should be considered not only positive but essential to its quality; however, too much of the character of Eli is merely theatrical. (Again, I'll wait until I've watched it again, but this for me is exactly the underlying problem with the ending, that all of the sudden the foundation was absent from epic story, leaving only the bombastics.)
Some other things I've been thinking about:
1. What is a New Yorker? This is more a question for a first-year resident, but for whatever reason I've found myself considering it in the last couple weeks. My automatic reaction to this meditation is that I'm still not a "New Yorker." But is that true? I'm finishing up my fifth full year living in the city, and since I can't imagine moving out of my awesome apartment after just one year, I'm guaranteed to spend not just a sixth year here but also at least half of a seventh. That's quite a commitment to a place. I've got a somewhat tenured job here that has given me a rapibly growing 401k and a not-insignificant mutual fund. I've got an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the transportation system and the geography, both street- and ground-level. I've voted in local elections, choosing candidates ranging from our current mayor to the founder of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. I've lived in three apartments in three somewhat different neighborhoods. I've seen businesses open and close and maybe I'm being presumptuous but I think at this point I can even accurately predict success or failure when a new one arrives. I've even adopted a local pro sports team (the Mets) and believe it or not, but when I find out someone like Charlie Villanueva is from the city, a curiously civic or pride-filled (perhaps also preposterous because there are 8million of us here) emotion causes me to root for him. So I guess what I'm trying to say--even though I can't stand some of the local accents, and I am still often amazed at the concentration of Irish and Jews here, and I can't bring myself to actually fold my pizza--is that maybe I've crossed the New Yorker threshhold.
2. Another line that I think I've crossed is a certain relationship line. I'm not experienced enough with this stuff to know exactly where I'm at or what's happened but I know that I was given a phone number by a rather attractive Asian girl this past weekend, and that this seemingly nondescript event made me think for two reasons. First, though I don't remember (I don't remember because it wasn't important enough to file the memories, not because I was too drunk to know what was going on) having any kind of flirty contact with this girl, apparently I was communicative enough for her to have the confidence to proffer a wholly unsolicited number. Basically, I've slipped into contented relationship mode so much that I don't even notice when an attractive chick is flirting with me, or even vice versa. The second, and personally deeper, issue is that when I realized what had happened, my reaction was not to be satisfied with myself or become arrogant or in any way emboldened, as would be the natural effect for most men. Instead, it occurred to me how happy I am where I am and how I've taken for granted the whole flirt/phone number/maybe-I'll-call-maybe-not/is-it-worth-it process of meeting people or escalating something or simply hooking up with a ho. I've taken for granted that I don't need to enter into this process and that I've already got the end result of such process, and I've got it as positively as I could imagine. So, while admittedly it can be a little exciting dipping into the lady pool, and there is a particular excitement that's possibly only at the very outset that of course I'm unable to truly recapture at this point, but it's much more pleasant to know that I don't really have to bother with all the crap that inevitably will follow. In fact, (though I'm even trying to overstate it) it would be hard to overstate the positive effect of this.
3. I don't know where it came from or how long it will last, but in the last two days I've strangely encountered a renewed desire to become a runner again. I don't know if--after immersing yourself in it as deeply as I did for several years--a person can really ever stop being a runner, but I do know that I haven't really felt like a "runner" for quite a while now. "A person who runs" is a better label. From time to time, I get serious pangs of determination relating to physical improvement. These can usually be sated through a few quality runs and a recommitment to regular gym visits. But this time it feels like a true and focused motivation for running. Though I don't know how disciplined it is, it's an excellent feeling and I'd like to see how long it will last. Rather, I'd like to see how long I can make it last. Proactivity.
4. I might make another longer post about this, but a man, acting without any consideration for other people, quite likely personally cost me at least $5,000 yesterday. That is a lot of money, enough to easily displace the displeasure I still have toward Chris Douglas-Roberts for failing to make uncontested 15foot shots and therefore costing me approximately $600. A couple missed free throws and spectacularly poorly timed act have likely conspired to make April 2008 the great month of missed financial opportunity.
5. On a lighter note, I've finally discoverd the joys of Fox Soccer Channel. I expect my Saturday and Sunday mornings/early afternoons will never be the same.
I've got a more formed opinion now of There Will Be Blood, of which I watched the first 90 minutes of again the other day. There are three things about it that are utterly extraordinary: Daniel Day-Lewis, the music, and the beautiful camera movements within virtually every scene that isn't simply static. DDay pretty much speaks for himself and unless you've been subjected to cold-war era psych treatments, his power emanates right from the first time you see him. To speak more (or really at all) on his performance is superfluous.
The music too was intensely enchanting even throughout my first viewing of the film, but I'd like to say that perhaps not enough has been made about how truly amazing it is because upon a second tour I found it often to outshine the verbal story it's woven into. I know the guy from Radiohead did it; let's hope he stays in the movie business cause he's a natural genius for it.
Finally, the camera action. This is something that I noticed initially but felt like maybe I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have, and so paid particular attention to the way Mr PT Anderson was technically delivering his images to us. I'd like to report that he did it phenomenally. through extensive movie-watching, I've come to realize that something I fundamentally love is an intelligent use of editing, or more specifically a conservative use of cuts combined with well-thought-out uses of pans and zooms between shots. Go watch some of the classics of Kurosawa for a visual course in what I'm talking about. Anderson seems to have done his homework in this regard, to the extent that several times throughout I found myself thinking about Kurosawa. He seems always to start on a general wide scene shot and drift forward or laterally across the scene so we can take everything in before finally settling on what will ultimately be important in the scene. Think of a shot where he surveys the land and the camps near the Little Boston well before finally bringing the derrick itself into the frame and zooming in, where Plainview is usually involved in the true action of the scene. Another specific example is when Eli is walking down to confront Plainview about where his church's money is. Instead of simply letting Eli walk into Plainview's frame, we follw from Eli's perspective as he walks along a pipeline and a vast lake of oil finally walking into where Plainview had been talking to some assistants. All the information that we see as Eli walks is important and stimulating. To top off this particular example, we get a beautifully framed shot with three men forming a perfect Kurosawsa-esque triangle, whose gap is of course filled by the entering Eli. This is the stuff that most people might not notice but most definitely adds to the overall experience of the film. If you are like me and do notice, then it moves everything to another level. My only nitpick is that none of this style seems very ambitious, innovative, or creative, so while it's certainly fine work, it falls quite short of being anything truly brilliant. Nonetheless, this is more argumentative and should not get in the way of your noticing the wonderful quality of this aspect of the film. So do enjoy.
(I'd like to finish off the last hour of the film again before passing a complete judgement (even though I'm quite sure the last hour will only serve to intensify my opinion), but the main problem I still have with There Will Be Blood is the character of Eli and/or perhaps also the actor Paul Dano. There is something quite seriously not right with this performance. I haven't yet determined who's at fault here: the writer for screwing up the dynamic of the character, Dano for screwing up the role, the casting director for hiring Dano in the first place, or Anderson the director for simply leading him to all the wrong decisions in playing the part. I suppose I can see how it might be desirable to have someone projecting extreme calm in the face of DDay's/Plainview's intensity, but in my opinion something is forced and awkward about Eli/Dano. It's uncomfortable, which I suppose would be preferrable if the film were an allegory, but of course I don't see that it is. It seems like someone made that decision somewhere along the line but then everyone just went too far with it. The entirely of this film is grandiose and intense and just simply large--all things that should be considered not only positive but essential to its quality; however, too much of the character of Eli is merely theatrical. (Again, I'll wait until I've watched it again, but this for me is exactly the underlying problem with the ending, that all of the sudden the foundation was absent from epic story, leaving only the bombastics.)
Some other things I've been thinking about:
1. What is a New Yorker? This is more a question for a first-year resident, but for whatever reason I've found myself considering it in the last couple weeks. My automatic reaction to this meditation is that I'm still not a "New Yorker." But is that true? I'm finishing up my fifth full year living in the city, and since I can't imagine moving out of my awesome apartment after just one year, I'm guaranteed to spend not just a sixth year here but also at least half of a seventh. That's quite a commitment to a place. I've got a somewhat tenured job here that has given me a rapibly growing 401k and a not-insignificant mutual fund. I've got an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the transportation system and the geography, both street- and ground-level. I've voted in local elections, choosing candidates ranging from our current mayor to the founder of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. I've lived in three apartments in three somewhat different neighborhoods. I've seen businesses open and close and maybe I'm being presumptuous but I think at this point I can even accurately predict success or failure when a new one arrives. I've even adopted a local pro sports team (the Mets) and believe it or not, but when I find out someone like Charlie Villanueva is from the city, a curiously civic or pride-filled (perhaps also preposterous because there are 8million of us here) emotion causes me to root for him. So I guess what I'm trying to say--even though I can't stand some of the local accents, and I am still often amazed at the concentration of Irish and Jews here, and I can't bring myself to actually fold my pizza--is that maybe I've crossed the New Yorker threshhold.
2. Another line that I think I've crossed is a certain relationship line. I'm not experienced enough with this stuff to know exactly where I'm at or what's happened but I know that I was given a phone number by a rather attractive Asian girl this past weekend, and that this seemingly nondescript event made me think for two reasons. First, though I don't remember (I don't remember because it wasn't important enough to file the memories, not because I was too drunk to know what was going on) having any kind of flirty contact with this girl, apparently I was communicative enough for her to have the confidence to proffer a wholly unsolicited number. Basically, I've slipped into contented relationship mode so much that I don't even notice when an attractive chick is flirting with me, or even vice versa. The second, and personally deeper, issue is that when I realized what had happened, my reaction was not to be satisfied with myself or become arrogant or in any way emboldened, as would be the natural effect for most men. Instead, it occurred to me how happy I am where I am and how I've taken for granted the whole flirt/phone number/maybe-I'll-call-maybe-not/is-it-worth-it process of meeting people or escalating something or simply hooking up with a ho. I've taken for granted that I don't need to enter into this process and that I've already got the end result of such process, and I've got it as positively as I could imagine. So, while admittedly it can be a little exciting dipping into the lady pool, and there is a particular excitement that's possibly only at the very outset that of course I'm unable to truly recapture at this point, but it's much more pleasant to know that I don't really have to bother with all the crap that inevitably will follow. In fact, (though I'm even trying to overstate it) it would be hard to overstate the positive effect of this.
3. I don't know where it came from or how long it will last, but in the last two days I've strangely encountered a renewed desire to become a runner again. I don't know if--after immersing yourself in it as deeply as I did for several years--a person can really ever stop being a runner, but I do know that I haven't really felt like a "runner" for quite a while now. "A person who runs" is a better label. From time to time, I get serious pangs of determination relating to physical improvement. These can usually be sated through a few quality runs and a recommitment to regular gym visits. But this time it feels like a true and focused motivation for running. Though I don't know how disciplined it is, it's an excellent feeling and I'd like to see how long it will last. Rather, I'd like to see how long I can make it last. Proactivity.
4. I might make another longer post about this, but a man, acting without any consideration for other people, quite likely personally cost me at least $5,000 yesterday. That is a lot of money, enough to easily displace the displeasure I still have toward Chris Douglas-Roberts for failing to make uncontested 15foot shots and therefore costing me approximately $600. A couple missed free throws and spectacularly poorly timed act have likely conspired to make April 2008 the great month of missed financial opportunity.
5. On a lighter note, I've finally discoverd the joys of Fox Soccer Channel. I expect my Saturday and Sunday mornings/early afternoons will never be the same.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
they went on a beer run after the second keg went limp and chad of course asked me for money. of course it's not really a concern of his that i've spent approx $130 on this beautiful holiday, including his damn pork chops and chicken wings. but hey that's the man for you.
the dumb crip is still here, still scandalously slooping on hudik. damn dumb crip. going to steal the wd40 she uses to lube up her knee joint. bitch.
life and life only.
my lady friend just left and i'm missing her already but that's cause i'm a sappy son of a bitch and pretty much completely smitten, still. congratulations, sara.
drinking bourbon now even though chad &tc have already come back with beer. screw you you cunt. like kenny devine, that filthy cunt.
the dumb crip is still here, still scandalously slooping on hudik. damn dumb crip. going to steal the wd40 she uses to lube up her knee joint. bitch.
life and life only.
my lady friend just left and i'm missing her already but that's cause i'm a sappy son of a bitch and pretty much completely smitten, still. congratulations, sara.
drinking bourbon now even though chad &tc have already come back with beer. screw you you cunt. like kenny devine, that filthy cunt.
Friday, January 4, 2008
i don't know where it's coming from, but there is a lot of energy going out of me today. i should be exhausted as a continuing byproduct of not just the move wednesday night, but also the slow process of putting the little material pieces of my life back together. though i'm feeling good--for now--so i'll take it and not ask questions.
we put together our new sectional black leather couch last night. in related news, last night was a very good night.
i now live in an apartment that makes a big sectional black leather couch look small. in related news, this year is going to be a very good year.
maybe this is unnecessarily intimate information, but my girlfriend and i are "making love" now. so big cheers to me, her, and us.
i won two more fantasy football leagues this year for a total prize of $950. i won one last year worth $1000. and i'm doing extremely well (20-9 vs the spread) so far in a bowl pool right now. i really should quit my job and devote myself full-time to fantasy sports and other sports-related gambling/contests. by my count, i've participated in 10 fantasy leagues covering 3 sports over 3 years, plus one league (basketball) that is currently in midseason. of these 10 leagues, i've won 5 and placed third in another. my total buy-ins for all 10 leagues has been $970 and my winnings have been $2725. that's a 281% return on my investment for the non-MBAs out there. if only LaDainian Tomlinson and Albert Pujols were NYSE trade-able commodities, then maybe i'd have some chance at being a successful member of society.
here's something negative now. not negativity emanating from me, but something that bothers me. we've got a middle-aged (45ish) woman working as an executive assistant here who--and i'm saving myself some adjectives here--is just pathetic, in the dictionary definition. and unfortunately, she likes me, and not in a platonic way. i'm pretty sure i'm at least an occasional subject of her sexual fantasies. let me state now for the record that this woman is as attractive as a bucket of vomit and the mere mention of this has caused my testicles to assume their natal size and position. she's fond of coming to my office and standing in the doorway while asking me to do something, which will invariably require me to get up and check it out. except she doesn't much like to move out of the doorway. she'll sorta half-turn so it's not incredibly awkward but still forces me to brush up against her to get by. i told you it's pathetic, but i'm 95% sure these little brushes are what she uses to get her rocks off later on. (now i know what some of you are thinking. and yes i do often like to joke about chicks being into me when obviously they are not, but you'll just have to trust me on this one. if i were female and she were male, what this woman does would be called sexual harassment.) she also likes to ask me to come help her with a painfully obvious problem with her printer, which just so happens to be all the way around her desk so i've got to essentially crawl over her chair to get to it. most non-perverts would just get out of their chair and let me do my work, but not this one.
so this morning as i'm stocking the fridge, standing with the door open probably about a foot back from the shelves, she comes bounding into the pantry and with no warning leans down to the lowest shelf and just shoves her whole head and shoulders in front of me to grab a bag of something. if you're wondering, yes, this put her directly in line with my crotch. and these things happen--not all the time, but as often as she can find a way.
through most of the 4.5 years i've worked here i haven't minded these silly encounters. i mean, it bothers me but not in any serious way, more like how someone tapping their finger constantly would bother someone. in some deviant ways (because i can't stand her), it almost amused me to think of what a sad human being she is to sink to these depths. and really, if someone wants to use a little folg-candy to enliven the later experience of double-clicking the mouse, then sure, i'm happy to help.
but today, and one other time in the recent past that i can't as effectively recall, i have been annoyed by it, in more than a passing or frivolous manner. i have a girlfriend now, so it irks me a bit to think she has the right to get a cheap thrill from me. this shit ain't hers to take. it's sara's. so i don't like it. so there was a lot of words on the subject, more than such a pathetic person deserves.
we put together our new sectional black leather couch last night. in related news, last night was a very good night.
i now live in an apartment that makes a big sectional black leather couch look small. in related news, this year is going to be a very good year.
maybe this is unnecessarily intimate information, but my girlfriend and i are "making love" now. so big cheers to me, her, and us.
i won two more fantasy football leagues this year for a total prize of $950. i won one last year worth $1000. and i'm doing extremely well (20-9 vs the spread) so far in a bowl pool right now. i really should quit my job and devote myself full-time to fantasy sports and other sports-related gambling/contests. by my count, i've participated in 10 fantasy leagues covering 3 sports over 3 years, plus one league (basketball) that is currently in midseason. of these 10 leagues, i've won 5 and placed third in another. my total buy-ins for all 10 leagues has been $970 and my winnings have been $2725. that's a 281% return on my investment for the non-MBAs out there. if only LaDainian Tomlinson and Albert Pujols were NYSE trade-able commodities, then maybe i'd have some chance at being a successful member of society.
here's something negative now. not negativity emanating from me, but something that bothers me. we've got a middle-aged (45ish) woman working as an executive assistant here who--and i'm saving myself some adjectives here--is just pathetic, in the dictionary definition. and unfortunately, she likes me, and not in a platonic way. i'm pretty sure i'm at least an occasional subject of her sexual fantasies. let me state now for the record that this woman is as attractive as a bucket of vomit and the mere mention of this has caused my testicles to assume their natal size and position. she's fond of coming to my office and standing in the doorway while asking me to do something, which will invariably require me to get up and check it out. except she doesn't much like to move out of the doorway. she'll sorta half-turn so it's not incredibly awkward but still forces me to brush up against her to get by. i told you it's pathetic, but i'm 95% sure these little brushes are what she uses to get her rocks off later on. (now i know what some of you are thinking. and yes i do often like to joke about chicks being into me when obviously they are not, but you'll just have to trust me on this one. if i were female and she were male, what this woman does would be called sexual harassment.) she also likes to ask me to come help her with a painfully obvious problem with her printer, which just so happens to be all the way around her desk so i've got to essentially crawl over her chair to get to it. most non-perverts would just get out of their chair and let me do my work, but not this one.
so this morning as i'm stocking the fridge, standing with the door open probably about a foot back from the shelves, she comes bounding into the pantry and with no warning leans down to the lowest shelf and just shoves her whole head and shoulders in front of me to grab a bag of something. if you're wondering, yes, this put her directly in line with my crotch. and these things happen--not all the time, but as often as she can find a way.
through most of the 4.5 years i've worked here i haven't minded these silly encounters. i mean, it bothers me but not in any serious way, more like how someone tapping their finger constantly would bother someone. in some deviant ways (because i can't stand her), it almost amused me to think of what a sad human being she is to sink to these depths. and really, if someone wants to use a little folg-candy to enliven the later experience of double-clicking the mouse, then sure, i'm happy to help.
but today, and one other time in the recent past that i can't as effectively recall, i have been annoyed by it, in more than a passing or frivolous manner. i have a girlfriend now, so it irks me a bit to think she has the right to get a cheap thrill from me. this shit ain't hers to take. it's sara's. so i don't like it. so there was a lot of words on the subject, more than such a pathetic person deserves.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
yikes it's been a long time here. been a busy little beaver, but you already know that don't you. not the last few days though, been largely unoccupied the last few days. spent quite a bit of QT with the family members, which i feel pretty good about. lots of times when i mentally prepare myself to go home, i fondly anticipate spending time with my parents and everyone, but then once i get home all i want to do is lay around and watch tv and more or less do my own thing. i prove to be much less talkative than i envision myself being. i am not sure why, but this time has been different. i've had boundless energy for my family; i have not lost interest or developed a sour attitude. so that feels good. i suppose it helps that people are rather busy around me preparing for first christmas and now my sister's wedding. it's hard to be lazy and/or introverted amidst this kind of hustle and bustle.
last night at get together at a friend's house i was innocuously asked by my friend's father how i was doing. people ask each other this question mindlessly throughout the holiday season; if you know me at all you know that these kinds of rote questions drive me insane. this time was different, however. as i was delivering my involuntary response ("i'm doing really well"), it dawned on me that, in fact, i am doing really well. this realization hit me literally as i was saying it, so that after finishing the response, i had the genuine satisfaction that accompanies the knowledge that i am doing well. i haven't taken much time to step back and analyze my ups and downs lately, but lo and behold i've come into a pretty pleasant state of being.
i can attribute this effect to a couple of causes. first--and this would deserve its own post and then some--is the continued and escalating presence of my new girlfriend sara. (i say "new girlfriend" as though i possess old girlfriends, or that i move from one to another. she is a "girlfriend," and she is "new," so try to read the phrase in that way.) but i like her and i like spending time with her, and it's only been four days since i've last seen her and i'm already eagerly anticipating her arrival here in steubenville tomorrow to accompany me to my sister's wedding. in any normal relationship, it would be a bit soon to invite a girl to a wedding, much less one involving immediate family, but with sara everything is different. everything is unencumbered by the stench of expectation or convention or any form of adherance to norms. it's hard to convey how refreshing this is.
the other thing that's got me well right now is the resolution of my housing situation, a situation that caused me much (as it turned out) unnecessary stress and consternation. the removal of any kind of stress always has an amazing effect on me, probably because i live so great a percentage of my life stress-free. but the other side of this housing resolution is that starting next week, i have a much nicer and much much bigger place to live. i've been living in small little nests for 4.5 years now, so i can't even really comprehend what it's going to be like to life comfortably again. it's rather exciting.
so, even after true and thoughtful consideration, i am doing really well right now.
i'm writing a poem to read at my sister's wedding and it's about finished. perhaps i'll share it here once i'm done.
last night at get together at a friend's house i was innocuously asked by my friend's father how i was doing. people ask each other this question mindlessly throughout the holiday season; if you know me at all you know that these kinds of rote questions drive me insane. this time was different, however. as i was delivering my involuntary response ("i'm doing really well"), it dawned on me that, in fact, i am doing really well. this realization hit me literally as i was saying it, so that after finishing the response, i had the genuine satisfaction that accompanies the knowledge that i am doing well. i haven't taken much time to step back and analyze my ups and downs lately, but lo and behold i've come into a pretty pleasant state of being.
i can attribute this effect to a couple of causes. first--and this would deserve its own post and then some--is the continued and escalating presence of my new girlfriend sara. (i say "new girlfriend" as though i possess old girlfriends, or that i move from one to another. she is a "girlfriend," and she is "new," so try to read the phrase in that way.) but i like her and i like spending time with her, and it's only been four days since i've last seen her and i'm already eagerly anticipating her arrival here in steubenville tomorrow to accompany me to my sister's wedding. in any normal relationship, it would be a bit soon to invite a girl to a wedding, much less one involving immediate family, but with sara everything is different. everything is unencumbered by the stench of expectation or convention or any form of adherance to norms. it's hard to convey how refreshing this is.
the other thing that's got me well right now is the resolution of my housing situation, a situation that caused me much (as it turned out) unnecessary stress and consternation. the removal of any kind of stress always has an amazing effect on me, probably because i live so great a percentage of my life stress-free. but the other side of this housing resolution is that starting next week, i have a much nicer and much much bigger place to live. i've been living in small little nests for 4.5 years now, so i can't even really comprehend what it's going to be like to life comfortably again. it's rather exciting.
so, even after true and thoughtful consideration, i am doing really well right now.
i'm writing a poem to read at my sister's wedding and it's about finished. perhaps i'll share it here once i'm done.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
i subscribe to New York magazine. every monday, excepting holidays or mondays after a double issue comes out, a new issue arrives in my mailbox. the first thing i do with it is go to the back sections with the art/movies/etc reviews and listings, and see if anything interesting is going on. then i like to check out the "approval matrix" and to see if there are any features worth my time. and at some point during the week i'll do the crossword, unless my brain isn't clicking very well, in which case i'll do 90% of the crossword.anyhow, for whatever reason, i didn't find the time to do any of these things last week. there is an untouched black magazine in my apt right now with an asian woman on the cover about to kiss some toes, and there is also a new one with good old rudy giuliani on it that just arrvied yesterday.
i have been busy lately. people say that all the time, usually as an excusal. as i say it now i am wholly forthright. friday i didn't get home from work til after the bars. saturday i spent only enough time in my apt to get dressed, get a shower, and get dressed again. sunday only long enough to eat the mcdonalds that i passed out before getting to the night before, have sex, and spend 90 minutes or so at the end of the day being exhausted (more on this later). the only day from last week that i had fully to myself was thursday and i spent most of that evening shopping for a suit and doing laundry. so i have been busy lately. perhaps i will go back and skim last week's New York, perhaps not.
i have been busy because i've started seeing a girl, something that doesn't happen often. actually, counting mornings after which she or i had spent the night, i have seen her now nine consecutive days. and this doesn't bother or worry me at all. it, and she, is completely comfortable and effortless for me. these are very high compliments from me. so it's good.
a side effect of this girl (and we can now confirm it's a side effect of seeing any girl) is that i have become moody. not violently so, but still very susceptible to sudden swings in mood. what's good is that i have recognized this quite early and so shouldn't be doomed to suffer because of it.
now, back to the aforementioned 90 minutes which finished off my sunday night. (warning this is an admission that shouldn't possibly be misconstrued as endering or anything above that which might cause you to mournfully shake your head at me the next time you see me.) after a long day of beer consumption and football watching, i returned to my apartment--team victorious--to what i expected to be a satisfying glass of water before heading off to beer-assisted sleep. what i didn't count on was my turning on the tv and flipping around the 7-8 channels i get before stopping on an episode of sex and the city. of course i became engrossed and watched the entire episode. now let it be known that my eyelids because dry and very heavy and yet the allure of the show kept me from submitting to sleep. now let it also be known that this particular episode was one i had already viewed in its entirety. yes ineed. and also that another episode immediately followed on what i think was cw11, and that of course i stayed up and watched all of that one too, and that--yes it gets worse--the second episode that i forced myself to stay up for was also one i had seen before.
i don't have any analysis for you at this time. i'm not sure it can be intelligently considered. it's a classic case of "it is what it is."
i am what i am
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