it's been too much so i'm going to embrace it: i'm fucking frustrated. with all of this, all of you. that's right. you. sorry to bring shit. goddman self-interests, either broadcast or clandestine, make everything more difficult than it ever needs to be.

(that space is what it looks like to punch the keyboard. yes, nothing. it looks like nothing. hitting too many keys at once disables any of them from working. instructive, i think.)

i'm bout out of freshness. people are still accusing me of farting though. far too drunk right now. dizzy almost. should be in manhattan right now. forgot if i told you but i bit another beaver tonight now, this one not belonging to my gf. it was deliciously meaty enough to count as totally awesome.
hudik is smooching on erin and it's embarrassing. that's all i've got there.
go team. go meat.

they went on a beer run after the second keg went limp and chad of course asked me for money. of course it's not really a concern of his that i've spent approx $130 on this beautiful holiday, including his damn pork chops and chicken wings. but hey that's the man for you.
the dumb crip is still here, still scandalously slooping on hudik. damn dumb crip. going to steal the wd40 she uses to lube up her knee joint. bitch.
life and life only.
my lady friend just left and i'm missing her already but that's cause i'm a sappy son of a bitch and pretty much completely smitten, still. congratulations, sara.
drinking bourbon now even though chad &tc have already come back with beer. screw you you cunt. like kenny devine, that filthy cunt.

holy shit. we crashed the second keg. that's amazing work. to kill two kegs and it's barely ten o'clock now. i'm now drinking bourbon on ice. like beer but for a man.
david fucking gonzalez is on his way here right now, that son of a bitch. i don't know whether to be outraged or outrageously excited. i'll defer to the latter.
the keyboard is horribly sticky from someone spilling beer on it earlier. it wasn't me, just like it wasn't me who farted in the living room earlier though i was pathetically blamed for it. whatever.
fear it. the ham. the bacon. the tripe. the rabbit. the goat head. the meat houses. fear it. fear the love of a human, strong enough to take the life of animals. fear that shit, bitch.

devon is a worthless dried up cuntflower.
tommy duss sucks eggs.
garland is a sappy proposer.
meat tastes yummy.
winners. lots of real winners still here.
eat shit ken devine. eat fucking shit like you're bergeron.

hey kenny devine!! eat shit, you motherfucker!! suck my balls you filthy cunt!
go to hell, you pussy!

just finished a meat sweats shot, made infinitely better by the presence and greatness of one theodore bauer. good work, disciple, sir.
second keg is live and good, not as good as the first but awesome still.
matthew pulled me aside a while ago and just had to tell me in confidence how awesome it was. i said "it?" he said yeah, just everything here. that's what you call a convert.
i'm drunk now, by the way, but not drunk enough not to go back and correct my many typos.
i ate a roach a little earlier. unfortunately, i'm not talking about the insect species, or else we'd be able to add another animal to the list. we've got salmon now too.
i successfully did a beaver talk from sara's coot, which made me wonderfully happy. coot.
dave is pressuring people into doing meat sweat shots right now, god bless him that son of a bitch.
ken and sara are pathetically trying to talk their way into the blog as "awesome." no f-ing way.
we watched the goat's other eye pop not long ago. and dave poked the shit out of it and its goo was dripping sweet. was happy. am happy. success is all amongst us. damnit we are the best people ever.

back. warmer. dave has already gotten mad at me for "giving up." he's entirely distrustful of me and sara. thinks i'm a failure, probably.
good turnout, thus far. erin and meg and whatever epic creation they're bringing have not yet arrived so it's kinda like we're holding our breath waiting for the exhaltant release. dave has started his meat house so i'm curious to see what happens there. scotty is pervin on me now with his meatloaf apron with little pockets that he's been carrying around bbq sauce in all day. a nice touch, i think.
drew has reminded me to mention hudik's poor performance from last night. thanks, drew. hudik you my friend are the real failure. promised me a place to sleep. decided maybe it would be more fun to make out with a crippled strumpet instead of boarding me. thanks for that. slept on a hardwood floor. hope it was worth it. know it musn't have been. verbally abused him for this not long ago and he told me i wasn't allowed to speak of it later after the crippled strumpet gets here cause she's coming with her boyfriend. hmmm. drama.
i successfully warmed my hands by sticking them between sara's legs. it's warm down there. also i bit her beaver and she was unfazed. yes indeed there is reason i like her.
we're collectively anxious to tap the second keg. not sure if i mentioned this last night but the first one is a pale ale and amazing. second one is some kind of a lager bock so probably far too heavy to be drinking after a meatstravaganza. i had half a meat cupcake and couldn't finish the rest. by drew's count, we've already had seven different animals today, including the goat and the a whole rabbit. number eight will be shrimp but i haven't seen them so i can't count it yet. our official goal for next year is to have a live animal and to slaughter it ourselves. so definitely that's going to happen. some squirrels were running around in the trees behind their place and were horribly teasing us. wish i had my pellet gun, that would have certainly embody the hamsgiving spirit.
finally, my mother called earlier and i reminded her that today was hamsgiving and she wished me a happy holiday and it didn't even feel weird. so we've made it, i guess.

we have a goat head cooking on the grill right now.
spare ribs, pork chops, chicken--a chicken that was alive just two hours before we cooked it--have populated the grill thus far. i'm almost disappointed in how warm it is today, the challenge of frozen grilling was rather easy to overcome. my fingers are competely frozen right now though so i can't type with any kind of speed. so i'll come back later and be more prolific.
scotty and buddha currently have the prize for best food for the aforementioned ultrafresh chicken and the goat head.
there is a turducken coming out of the oven very soon. it's a veritable meat bacchanalia here, a meatanalia.

hamsgiving eve. drinking some absolutely fantastic semi-bootleg pale ale that supposedly comes from a private brewer from just upstate. whatever the story, it's delicious.
eaten about half the ham already. i'm happy, others are at least mildly satisfied. we did a count of meat poundage and after the contributions of just ten people we are in possesion of 49 pounds of meat. actually we are probably in possesion of 45 pounds of meat thanks to the prior ham consumption. i bought some pig's feet, so i'm happy about that. now i just have to figure out how to cook them. also got a rack of spare ribs which cost me--if you can believe this--just six dollars. almost four pounds of pork ribs for six bucks. we also have a frozen turducken and the genesis of a meat house.
we're watching chad's rolling stones circus dvd, or whatever the hell it's called. sure it's pretty good but criminetly i feel like i've seen it ten times already myself. to say he's obsessive would be an understatement.

hamsgiving 2008 is almost upon us. i want to say i'll have a delicious liveblog for you like last year but my only recent efforts at liveblogs have dissipated in a haze of unfocused drunkenness.
i think all is set for the holiday. my "tshirt" arrived yesterday. i say "tshirt" cause it's actually a sweatshirt, a white hooded sweatshirt. perhaps the white will prove to be a foolish decision. the added warmth is essentially though, as i don't yet know what i'm cooking, but i'm grilling for sure. hopefully folks will bring some meat with them for me to grill cause i'm going to have plenty of charcoal. should be noted the forecast is for mid-30s and windy. might make for tough grill conditions. we'll see what i'm made of, especially considering the fact that i'll fairly surely be drunk the whole time. the ham should be delivered tomorrow. most everything has been sufficiently considered and prepped for. all that's left is the execution, and for me at least, that is an equally important part of the planning process as the preparation. overplanning will only lead to anticlimax. you've got to let shit happen, you've got to act and react. i'm looking forward to it.

i don't know where it's coming from, but there is a lot of energy going out of me today. i should be exhausted as a continuing byproduct of not just the move wednesday night, but also the slow process of putting the little material pieces of my life back together. though i'm feeling good--for now--so i'll take it and not ask questions.

we put together our new sectional black leather couch last night. in related news, last night was a very good night.
i now live in an apartment that makes a big sectional black leather couch look small. in related news, this year is going to be a very good year.

maybe this is unnecessarily intimate information, but my girlfriend and i are "making love" now. so big cheers to me, her, and us.

i won two more fantasy football leagues this year for a total prize of $950. i won one last year worth $1000. and i'm doing extremely well (20-9 vs the spread) so far in a bowl pool right now. i really should quit my job and devote myself full-time to fantasy sports and other sports-related gambling/contests. by my count, i've participated in 10 fantasy leagues covering 3 sports over 3 years, plus one league (basketball) that is currently in midseason. of these 10 leagues, i've won 5 and placed third in another. my total buy-ins for all 10 leagues has been $970 and my winnings have been $2725. that's a 281% return on my investment for the non-MBAs out there. if only LaDainian Tomlinson and Albert Pujols were NYSE trade-able commodities, then maybe i'd have some chance at being a successful member of society.

here's something negative now. not negativity emanating from me, but something that bothers me. we've got a middle-aged (45ish) woman working as an executive assistant here who--and i'm saving myself some adjectives here--is just pathetic, in the dictionary definition. and unfortunately, she likes me, and not in a platonic way. i'm pretty sure i'm at least an occasional subject of her sexual fantasies. let me state now for the record that this woman is as attractive as a bucket of vomit and the mere mention of this has caused my testicles to assume their natal size and position. she's fond of coming to my office and standing in the doorway while asking me to do something, which will invariably require me to get up and check it out. except she doesn't much like to move out of the doorway. she'll sorta half-turn so it's not incredibly awkward but still forces me to brush up against her to get by. i told you it's pathetic, but i'm 95% sure these little brushes are what she uses to get her rocks off later on. (now i know what some of you are thinking. and yes i do often like to joke about chicks being into me when obviously they are not, but you'll just have to trust me on this one. if i were female and she were male, what this woman does would be called sexual harassment.) she also likes to ask me to come help her with a painfully obvious problem with her printer, which just so happens to be all the way around her desk so i've got to essentially crawl over her chair to get to it. most non-perverts would just get out of their chair and let me do my work, but not this one.
so this morning as i'm stocking the fridge, standing with the door open probably about a foot back from the shelves, she comes bounding into the pantry and with no warning leans down to the lowest shelf and just shoves her whole head and shoulders in front of me to grab a bag of something. if you're wondering, yes, this put her directly in line with my crotch. and these things happen--not all the time, but as often as she can find a way.
through most of the 4.5 years i've worked here i haven't minded these silly encounters. i mean, it bothers me but not in any serious way, more like how someone tapping their finger constantly would bother someone. in some deviant ways (because i can't stand her), it almost amused me to think of what a sad human being she is to sink to these depths. and really, if someone wants to use a little folg-candy to enliven the later experience of double-clicking the mouse, then sure, i'm happy to help.
but today, and one other time in the recent past that i can't as effectively recall, i have been annoyed by it, in more than a passing or frivolous manner. i have a girlfriend now, so it irks me a bit to think she has the right to get a cheap thrill from me. this shit ain't hers to take. it's sara's. so i don't like it. so there was a lot of words on the subject, more than such a pathetic person deserves.