Maybe I'm Falling Out of Love with You, NY

I've finally started to feel a little of the lame-duck effect as I walk around this city. Last night I think I committed to picking a firm moving-out date (whereas previously I had argued that we should wait to move until I have a job offer(1)). This afternoon I contacted a moving company to discuss logistics.(2) It's happening.
I've done a good job of focusing on the present with both my life and my job these last several months, so that I think not too much has suffered from the fuck-it-I'll-be-gone-in-a-few-months-anyway laziness. But now we are getting close enough so that lots of things I'm doing now I am doing for the last time. A couple weeks ago I was at Blue & Gold, our old regular spot (not to mention the "basement" of my apartment for over a year), and it occurred to me while there that since my friends don't hang out there as often that it would probably be the last time I'm there. Sara hates Williamsburg (can't say I totally disagree), and so when we got on the G train to head home from there last weekend, I felt like there was a decent chance I'd never be back. A few weeks ago at the office I had to work on rearranging the seating assignments in order to accommodate interns and the new class of employees (a rite of summer here), and of course I understood while doing it that it would be for the last time.
I hope this doesn't sound sentimental, because I surely haven't been getting misty during any of this. The point is that instead of just going about my business like always, the reality of the end has seeped into my consciousness, which thankfully feels at least as exciting for me as it does sad.
One thing that is negative about this is I have sorta stopped being excited by things happening around me in this city. There has been an empty storefront on a corner close to my apartment for a few months now. Lately it has started to seem apparent that this will open soon as a kind of diner. Normally this would make me happy on a very simple level, but when thinking about it I found myself unmoved because I wouldn't be around to enjoy it much anyway. They're expanding the waterfront park near me at the end of Atlantic, but what do I care? Apparently there is no longer a V train and the M is running differently, or some other nonsense. Usually I would be all over this news and have the new routes memorized in case of late-night re-routing necessities, but since those aren't daily trains for me, I'm not bothering to learn them.
It's not any one of the little facts, it's the accumulation of them that amounts to something, and that something is a curious but growing sense of apathy (for today), excitement (for tomorrow), and almost boredom (for my surroundings). Anymore, I'm just unimpressed, I suppose.

Guilty.


1. My prior argument being that I already have a steady income here, so why move to Chicago until I know I'll have a steady income there? On a philosophical level, it's obvious, but of course we don't live in that realm. There is real value to not living in limbo indefinitely, and as the months or even just weeks pass our future baby will be growing out of our apartment space. The last straw was when I decided that, in the event that I haven't acquired a job by our desired moving date, it would be much easier to keep looking if I'm already living in the correct city, and not forced to fly for interviews (also costly). And my lovely wife really doesn't like the idea of not knowing when we're leaving, which is important to me.
2. Almost exactly $1000 for someone else to move my stuff a thousand miles. Not terrible. Having an infant when planning a long-distance move complicates things immensely. Not to mention that it finally dawned on me the other day that when we actually drive ourselves there, we'll have to stop at least every 3 hours so Sara can feed the baby. I am the kind of person who will try to hold in a piss for hours so as to make the best time possible. Patience will be required.