Just that Obvious

Having a newborn means never being certain of anything. She can't talk, and at two weeks old, she's not even developed enough to know how to cry properly to convey her needs. Having a newborn also means having an intense desire to comfort and care for the baby. These two things lead me directly to the internet for information of all sorts. Unfortunately, information of all sorts is exactly what I find.
Websites prey on the constant fear that is being a parent and try to use it to sell you things. They know that people will search around for any info on even the most innocuous things, so they will have content on everything imaginable, and they will say just about anything.
The other day I was looking around both for general knowledge-gaining purposes and because little Lula was not easily comforted and stayed up through most of a whole night. I stumbled upon an article on a big baby/pregnancy info site that seemed to promise helpfulness: "Twelve reasons babies cry and how to soothe them." I already knew about the main reasons for crying: hunger, tiredness, dirty diaper, and too hot/cold, but I sure didn't know twelve reasons, so I took a look.
Turns out this article is a classic example of an article seeming to contain helpful info but in fact being nothing but mere words and sentences arranged so as to give the impression of information. I think the article only exists to generate page clicks and provide a space for their advertisers. Of the twelve reasons, one was "Tummy trouble." This in addition to two covering hunger and needing to burp. The #8 reason that babies cry is, apparently, "Something small." Seriously, that is the heading for section #8.
But it gets better. Numbers 10 and 11 are, respectively, "Wants less stimulation" and "Wants more stimulation." Beautiful. Let me get this straight: I'm a concerned parent, trying to understand why my baby is crying. This helpful piece of literature is telling that it could either be too much or too little of the exact same thing. They're thorough, at least.
The best of the bunch though surely has to be #12. After wading through 10 and 11, how about coming to the big finish of the why babies cry article and finding that it is titled "Not feeling well"? The first line of this section is: "If you've met your baby's basic needs and comforted him and he's still crying, he could be coming down with something."
Brilliant. I think that kind of scientific breakthrough might be worthy of a Nobel prize. Really, it makes you wonder why the list had twelve reasons, when their final one is good enough to render all the others unneeded. Why do babies cry? Because they are not feeling well. Of course, that solves everything.