All Filled Up

A lot of people at work have very reasonably been asking me if I'm tired. I am a little, of course, but not exceptionally so. Our baby is really very well behaved so far in life.
It got me to thinking about being tired, though. Physically, it has been quite manageable. It's not really the lack of sleep that is the problem but the inconsistency. I think I'm still getting more than six hours per night, but it's broken up into pieces. Nothing I won't become used to in a little more time.
It is the emotional side of exhaustion and its effect on my metaphysical self that is more apparent to me. It is extremely tiring to be constantly looking out for someone else, to be constantly thinking of and caring for another's needs before your own. It is very tiring to always feel the relentless weight of responsibility.
This is something that human beings must mature into. A couple years ago, I didn't have it. Our instincts are to look out for ourselves, so that it's mostly effortless to live a life. It takes practice and an infinite level of devotion and commitment to another person to get used to behaving differently. I'm happy to be on that path, happy and proud to think about it becoming routine.
Some people live exhausting lives. They work hard, they don't sleep much, they go out and party a little too much. Burning the candle at both ends. The toll from this kind of (some might say reckless) behavior is almost wholly physical, though. You destroy your body, which is of course exhausting. But it is also fairly easy to do. You make the decisions for yourself, you live with the consequences, everything has its balance. It is your life and your life only.
Naturally, I had never known this before, but having a family brings out a unique kind of exhaustion that would better be called a comprehensive state of being, the kind that keeps your body and spirit sound. I think it is the true fullness of the human experience.