yikes it's been a long time here. been a busy little beaver, but you already know that don't you. not the last few days though, been largely unoccupied the last few days. spent quite a bit of QT with the family members, which i feel pretty good about. lots of times when i mentally prepare myself to go home, i fondly anticipate spending time with my parents and everyone, but then once i get home all i want to do is lay around and watch tv and more or less do my own thing. i prove to be much less talkative than i envision myself being. i am not sure why, but this time has been different. i've had boundless energy for my family; i have not lost interest or developed a sour attitude. so that feels good. i suppose it helps that people are rather busy around me preparing for first christmas and now my sister's wedding. it's hard to be lazy and/or introverted amidst this kind of hustle and bustle.
last night at get together at a friend's house i was innocuously asked by my friend's father how i was doing. people ask each other this question mindlessly throughout the holiday season; if you know me at all you know that these kinds of rote questions drive me insane. this time was different, however. as i was delivering my involuntary response ("i'm doing really well"), it dawned on me that, in fact, i am doing really well. this realization hit me literally as i was saying it, so that after finishing the response, i had the genuine satisfaction that accompanies the knowledge that i am doing well. i haven't taken much time to step back and analyze my ups and downs lately, but lo and behold i've come into a pretty pleasant state of being.
i can attribute this effect to a couple of causes. first--and this would deserve its own post and then some--is the continued and escalating presence of my new girlfriend sara. (i say "new girlfriend" as though i possess old girlfriends, or that i move from one to another. she is a "girlfriend," and she is "new," so try to read the phrase in that way.) but i like her and i like spending time with her, and it's only been four days since i've last seen her and i'm already eagerly anticipating her arrival here in steubenville tomorrow to accompany me to my sister's wedding. in any normal relationship, it would be a bit soon to invite a girl to a wedding, much less one involving immediate family, but with sara everything is different. everything is unencumbered by the stench of expectation or convention or any form of adherance to norms. it's hard to convey how refreshing this is.
the other thing that's got me well right now is the resolution of my housing situation, a situation that caused me much (as it turned out) unnecessary stress and consternation. the removal of any kind of stress always has an amazing effect on me, probably because i live so great a percentage of my life stress-free. but the other side of this housing resolution is that starting next week, i have a much nicer and much much bigger place to live. i've been living in small little nests for 4.5 years now, so i can't even really comprehend what it's going to be like to life comfortably again. it's rather exciting.
so, even after true and thoughtful consideration, i am doing really well right now.

i'm writing a poem to read at my sister's wedding and it's about finished. perhaps i'll share it here once i'm done.