damnit. i'm a moody son of a bitch. lately.

yesterday i was scribbling in my little notebook for some reason about how i felt like i was on acid and everything was perfectly obvious and slow and peaceful. i felt completely content but yet simultaneously there was a profound sense of disappointment and emptiness. i was experiencing seemingly diametric emotions at the same time. i'd taken moodiness into some higher level. over-moodiness. over-emotion. over-loaded.

i wrote a few little bits over the weekend but i don't really feel like posting them here so blugh, blah, bleggghh.

while i was jotting some random crap down saturday night a fairly cute girl sat down with a friend next to me on the ledge against the window. she seemed curious and started talking to me at odd intervals. she was intrigued by something: me, evidently. i was polite and returned words then excused myself when it was time to leave by declaring the pleasantness of the slight conversation and then kissing her hand like someone in an awful Jane Austen novel. i should just say "Jane Austen novel" as the adjective there is superfluous. but the gesture wasn't chivalric; it was perfectly natural. and now i wonder if i should have done more.

also saturday night: i caught a girl "checking me out" and then overheard her tell her friend that she thought i had an "awesome outfit." that is both terrible and great and i am same for thinking it is so. this one didn't come up and talk to me like the one in the last paragraph did. probably for the best.

i should be at the gym now or at least running but i just don't feel like it. i don't think i'm simply having a weekend hangover now either, as is usually the case on mondays. my life is quite full three days out of a week.

i feel like a dandelion that a five year old just blew to pieces. it was quite a rush but now there's nothing left, nothing but seeds drifting floating lonely out across the world perhaps never to take root at all. but perhaps yes. who knows? i'm sick of metaphors for now and don't much care anyway.