i unironically declared my love to a lesbian last night. she responded like any self-respecting lesbian would: by thereafter flirting and teasing me so much that it might be illegal in 17 states.
i got a little excited and took the turkey out of the oven about 15 min too early so some of it had to be returned to the heat. so it goes. my grilled (that's right motherfucker i grilled on thanksgiving) acorn squash was ridiculous though. so the lesson: i should stick to cooking on the grill whenever possible. the squash was an inspired effort though: the grill is without a cover and the squash, and therefore also the charcoal, was rained on fairly steadily for about 15 minutes. somehow i was able to keep it afloat.
i'm at work eating free pizza and all i want is some mashed potatoes. i've been responsible for the potatoes for three straight years now and it seems like they're getting better each year. maybe next year i'll succeed in fully cooking 95% of the bird, and then two years later the whole thing.
you know what i'm completely in the minority on: feeling that guitar hero is crap. if it were faithful to the art of playing a guitar, that would be one thing, but as it is you're just pressing buttons on a video game controller that happens to be shaped like a guitar and following along with grating monotonous songs that are about two times longer than they should be. and it's quite possibly the worst game ever for non-participants to watch. it's like being at a karaoke bar watching the little ball bounce along through the syllables only there are no drunk jackasses making fools of themselves (also known as the only reason anyone ever does karaoke).
i just realized the back collar of the sweater i'm wearing right now has a gash in it like a dog was using it as a chew toy. not sure where that came from.
i've got these two tiny little eyelashes at the extreme outside corner of my right eye that don't stick out away from the eyeball like they're supposed to, instead somehow sticking off to the right but the bottom one goes up and top one goes down so they keep interlocking and i've got an almost constant desire to pull them out only they're so small i can't grab them. it's infuriating in the same way that briefly losing the tv remote is.
i didn't speak to my parents yesterday and it was a holiday. i'm not sure if i should feel bad about this or not. i'm sure they ate turkey and all that. i guess i don't like things that feel obligatory. actually i hate things that feel obligatory. like in high school i used to be violently opposed to the concept of thank you cards. this was a semi-major issue in the weeks after my graduation party, of course. my stance: if you are someone who would be offended at the lack of receipt of a thank you card then really you don't deserve the sentiment contained therein. it's this simple: don't fucking give me anything if you don't want to fail to receive a thank you. i don't really care. i'm not greedy, i don't need things. there is too much use of the phrase "thank you." the two words at this point mean nothing. even if the true desire to give thanks to someone did manifest itself inside me, i don't think it's always necessary to vocalize it. isn't it ok to just appreciate something? do we always have to prove to everyone else how we feel about something, as opposed to simply having the depth of sensation that in itself makes it easily apparent to the casual observer. expressing gratitude has become far more important than experiencing gratitude. these social crutches like automatic "thank yous" and overrampant hugging and cheek-kissing and melodramatic hello/goodbyes and all the supposedly civil but ultimately meaningless things we do when conversing with people do nothing but put up walls around ourselves, our true selves, which are our only "selves" worth a damn.
ok enough of that.
i still would like to learn how to play the piano.
the pictures i take with the grainy pixelated camera on my cell phone are better than anything i take with a proper camera. i'm a shit photographer but a good seer. sometimes it's good to be talentless in some aspects of life. it's endearingly human. and i like it. for instance i could never be attracted to a model. when i was a kid i was the best hitter on the baseball team but couldn't field for shit. i get crushed at chess to inferior brains all the time. i beat superior running talents in college regularly. i can't find a musical beat to save my life but can effortlessly divine a cornucopia of complex themes and symbols in a piece of literature. i once made 116 free throws in a row but could probably let a similarly skilled player beat me off the dribble 99% of the time. i could tell you the winner of every super bowl and every world series since 1960, but would not remember your name upon meeting without having to be reminded two or three times. i can multiply moderately large numbers almost instantly yet received Ds on consecutive college calculus classes. while drunk, i can draw a map of the united states with all state boundaries on a styrofoam cup but i don't know how to operate an ipod. without the benefit of a watch, i can precisely and consistently run at any desired per-mile pace but i have no sense of speed control when behind the wheel of a car. i'm a terrible public speaker but an amazing one-on-one conversationalist.
i don't like that there are precious few pictures on this blog. here is one:
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