Things I Learned in Columbus

Here are some things that might offend some people:

1. I think it's time for airlines to start charging extra to fat people. An airline isn't actually a part of the service industry anymore, it's merely a form of transportation. (Why are there even stewardesses anymore? Just hand out drinks before boarding and call it a day. Or scrap the drinks and charge me $2 less up front; I'd survive. It's not like the old days when they were passing out meals and blankets and ashtrays and whatnot.) An airplane has a finite amount of space and they should charge you by the amount of cubic feet you occupy. Obviously, there should be a limit under which everyone pays the same, because a seat is a seat even if it's only got a kid in it. But I'd say maybe anything above a 46 inch waist or hips should have to pay extra. Taking it an extra step, when you are selecting your seats, you should know how much space each person is consuming and those who select a seat next a larger individual should pay less for the inconvenience, exactly the amount that the fat person has to pay extra.
Yesterday on my return flight from Columbus, I was stuck in a window seat next a woman who's, uh, body was spilling over into my seat. She was nice about it at least. I mean to say, she was cognizant of her life failure and seemed to feel the appropriate amount of shame. Even though it must have been slightly painful, she kept the armrest down, I'm pretty sure as a futile attempt to keep herself contained. I accepted this gesture of goodwill, and since it was a short flight, I simply leaned over toward the window and read my magazine. She seemed like one of those fat people who fears being in crowds, and I'm sure that if I weren't sitting next to her, that she would have been very content to just stay in her third row seat until everyone else on the plane left so she wouldn't bump into or slow anyone down.

2. A fixture of my college years, Bob Evans has gone downhill. It's gone downhill enough for me to say I don't really care to patronize it again. I will go if in a group and that's the majority desire, but I will never suggest it and I can't imagine craving it again.
I had the sunshine skillet and a bowl of sausage gravy. The skillet was far worse than I remember them being and the gravy was thin and the sausage therein was curiously tasteless, given that it was made of pig. I can make breakfast food at least as good myself, and I don't consider myself anything like a great cook. Saving grace is that my huge meal only cost $11 and the biscuits are still spectacular. But either Bob's has changed or I have changed, because it just doesn't do it for me anymore.

3. I was playing pool with a guy named Broshaun (BroShaun? BroShawn? Bro'Shawon?) on Friday night. He seemed to be a genuinely nice human being but he wasn't going to win any IQ contests. He casually mentioned being "locked up" when he was younger, and that makes me really regret not having asked him why the first two fingers on his right hand were missing everything above the first knuckle. It doesn't take much to live an interesting life. Every person has a story.

4. It's inevitable to feel this way at least a little, given that I've lived now almost six years in NYC, but Columbus--or rather the campus area--is a lot less interesting to me than it used to be. I seriously wonder now if I were to go back and relive my four college years at OSU, but do it in the current climate, that I would enjoy it as much. Granted, that's not saying much, because I will always be incredibly grateful and appreciative of all I got out of my college experience, but I wonder if that level of satisfaction would still be possible for an 18 year old me in 2009. The degree to which it would be less enjoyable is likely much smaller than I'm assuming right now, but I'm quite sure it is still less.

5. This won't offend anyone, but on the return flight I was buried in my magazine most of the way. In fact, the first time I looked out the window, would you even believe that the town thousands of feet below was good old Steubenville, OH? It's really not so bad looking from that height.