my radio news

some things i'd like to comment on after hearing the business report from joe connolly (that's him to the left) on wcbs 880 this morning at about 7:52am:

(but first a few perhaps interesting words about wcbs 880. this is the station on which my radio alarm clock is set and which wakes me up at precisely 7:48am each morning so that the first thing i hear on a weekday is the traffic and weather report, given on the 8s of course. they do traffic first, then weather, the timing of which has prompted me to often consider switching my wake-up time to 7:49 instead of 7:48, so as to eliminate my hearing the traffic report, which since the subways are pretty much invincible this report is of no use to me but since the nyc metro area is chock full of auto commuters, and even more full of auto access points and roads, the traffic report takes quite a long time to get through. in spite of this consideration, i've held fast to the 7:48 alarm time.

i am a slow waker, and so even after the traffic and weather reports are done i usually linger in bed for several minutes if i don't simply hit the snooze and fall back asleep alogether. after weather the two main radio hosts come in and give short news briefs and then will often (i can't say always here because i don't pay as much attention during this few-minute interval) send it out to mike saranac for a news bit. this news bit is thoroughly annoying for me because mike saranac must live somewhere in nassau or suffolk county and must refuse to file reports from anywhere else because his reports are always inane, rarely newsworthy, and invariably about something long-island-related. i know they need to spend some time pandering to what must be a sizable chunk of their morning listeners, but it drives me nuts to have to hear dumb community news about long island when they are obviously pressed for time. the following statement is undoubtedly colored by my displeasure for the reports, but mr saranac's voice and reporting style i find to be wholly pathetic. he inflects his voice like he's trying out either for a national news job or the carnival barker's hall of fame. i hate it.

anyhow, moving along, after mr saranac's waste of precious seconds, 880 always sends it out to joe connolly of the wall street journal for the aforementioned business report. this report is noteworthy only for it's pacing. it's a perfectly standard and boring report but mr connolly--perhaps deliberately wanting to distinguish himself from his time-conscious colleagues--speaks extremely slowly and heavily, actually pausing even in the middle of phrases instead of merely between them. (an example: "the hou-sing market....spurred by slow-er.........than...expected em-ploy-ment.............numbers..........has fallen a percentage...............point....to-day.") no matter how many times i hear this guy, and no matter how groggy i may still be, it amazes me both that he chooses to speak so deliberately and that his bosses at the station allow him to do it. i can't tell if he's just be a totally pompous dick or if his pace is a carefully considered antidote to the fast-paced speech of the other radio personalities.

to contrast mr connolly, the regular traffic guy, whose name for some reason i can't recall, packs a ridiculous amount of verbal information into his alloted time. he speaks so fast that it seems almost a different language in the way you are forced to pause and digest bits of words before jumping back into the flow and realizing that you've just missed a few phrases. even if i'm paying attention to him, by the time i've had the time to comprehend that there was a tractor spill on the hutch, the traffic guy has already moved "over and across the tappan zee." whoever this guy is, he's impressive, so impressive that you can pretty easily tell when his replacement is on the job.)

so that's my wcbs 880. such a small part of my existence but such a constant and consistent one.

1. a kid at a brooklyn job fair which received three times more applicants than available positions was the only one hired on the spot because he was also the only one wearing a necktie. i'm pretty sure this bit of odd news was mentioned in mr connolly's report to show with a touch of shame how sad it is that kids, specifically inner-city ones 1) don't have any respect, 2) are stuck in a terrible job market, 3) are ignorant of what small things they must do in order to get ahead. basically: look, kids, just show some respect for the workplace and wear a tie and you too can break free from the cycle of poverty.

i have a slightly different take on the kid-at-job-fair-wears-tie-gets-hired story. i think it's pathetic and sad that something as arcane and arbitrary as a necktie would prompt an employer to hire one person or not hire another. are these people (the employers) that lazy? granted, you can call the other kids lazy too for not wearing a tie but that doesn't change the fact that a tie doesn't in itself carry any value or bestow upon its wearer any value. it's just a piece of fabric. maybe this respectful little worker drone was actually packing heat at this job fair, heat which he used on his trip to mug another worker drone and steal his tie. i suppose you could give him points for ambition (if you're into that sort of thing. i'm not) or determination, but let's get real about the tie nonsense. when i was finishing up college i was worried that employers would put too much stock on simple grade point average when i thought that was a somewhat shallow way to evalute a candidate, but gpa is far more reliable than a damned tie. i wear ties on the weekend, maybe i should be appointed to the supreme court.

2. another business news bit centered on how sales figures are being reported down dramatically across all sectors, "from boutiques to bartenders." not positive the first one was "boutiques," but it was something alliterative with "bartenders." either way, the point remains, namely: i guess those stimulus payments are having the desired effect. i've yet to enact the intensely spiteful plan i hatched to invest my $600 in foreign companies, but maybe some other people have beaten me to it. of course that would be dumb since the dollar is worthless and in fact all the american companies are presenting themselves as gold mines to foreign investors, which is why american companies are slowly being bought by foreigners, which reminds me of an article i read in the times about how anheiser-busch is going to be sold to an international company likely soon for the above-mentioned reasons. apparantly miller and coors are already foreign-owned. who knew? i guess now there truly is no reason to drink inferior "american" beer.