Now

Ready. Set. Go.
Epiphany. The hate pact is over. I've been so nice to people in the last two days I can't even handle it. I mean they can't even handle it. Good. Walking around the office today like an emotional Johnny Appleseed, dropping seeds of good. Elijah or something like that. Little nugget-sized pretzels here giving me the salt. it's summer you need it. caps begone shift key too slow. no i'm too slow to handle the shift key. i got the fear in me and shit is getting weird. good. i'm going to write a poem called the finnish tourist. he presented himself to me in the shower this morning. good shower. i think his name will be ermi. just picked some pretzel dough out of my lower left molars. i get self-conscious about doing that but i often feel the need. i never had braces in my life so maybe my teeth don't fit together as perfectly as they should and thus i get pretzel stuck in the little crevasses. that was uneccessary for me to use that word. it might not even be right. even the best of us are pretentious. but i'm just letting the real run free. anxiety. i'm talking about the fullest dictionary definition. and i'm an unbridled volcano of it right now. but that is just one layer. there is more. alack and alas. alack, alas, but here it is this potion my brother is dead my lover and now i'll end it. or some such thing. maybe i'm confusing that part. ol billy the bard. i'm talking about shakespeare right now but i think i'm too cool to mention his name. alack and alas. miss juliet was rather emotionally susceptible. bravo. there's a good line by the devil in karamazov too where he says something similar: "i'm very sensitive and emotionally inclined." i might be flipping the words around but that's the nut. yes this whole day, all 6 hours that i have consciously existed within it, has been a breeze of air, a gentle tornado sweeping me along. i think i'm the storm though, i'm the energy and still i'm carrying myself. like that stupid poem or whatever it is about jesus or god on the beach and his footprints cause he's carrying the subject. well i am god and i am me and i am forbearing and i am vulnerable and i am infantile and i am sensitive and i am strength. and now i am stepping away from the desk